window into a hovel

RIP Merlin

2012-01-26T13:17:00.001-07:00

And yet we now loose Nicol Williamson. The Hovel is indeed of a 'Heavy Heart.'

In Memory of Dick Tufeld

2012-01-23T08:24:00.001-07:00

It is a sad morning at the hovel.

http://uncleodiescollectibles.blogspot.com/2012/01/dick-tufeld-born-december-11-1926-died.html

Warren Ellis @ the Cognitive Cities Confrence

2012-01-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, Warren Ellis is probably my favorite contemporary writer.I have warn you before that he is very capable of using any of your senses as a portal into your subconsciousness and like the beast of Star Trek 2, wrap himself around your cerebral cortex. Never not be afraid of him but always listen to him. He sees into the near future better than most anyone out there and can paint a pretty amazing picture.I know that most of you will not make it to the end of his keynote which took place last year, but if you do; I truly hope your eyes and your mind will be open. He isn't easy to observe and I sometimes think that is probably his major appeal. He can be vulgar, contumelious and downright pagan. While I hold no single personal belief as pertains to spiritual matters with him; I do respect his very often, so correct observations on life and time and tomorrow and things right in front of us all.The 'ghost box' has been a theme in several of his current writings. He is by no means everyone's cup of tea, but I like his thinking on certain aspects of life taking place in the run up to the 'anti-Christ'.Be warned, it is Warren Ellis. He isn't a special effects monster; he can be worst.

Warren Ellis at Cognitive Cities Conference from Cognitive Cities on Vimeo.

some mornings I just need something to reach into my chest and rip my heart out

2012-01-16T15:35:00.000-07:00

this is what did it this morning

for Caydence and the love we share

2012-01-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

enjoy and never loose your love

Why would I need 4 layers of coats?

2012-01-04T06:33:00.001-07:00

Delivered last night and read to group by Jan.

Hello Everyone,

As always, it is just wonderful to be here with all of you.

I have finished moving and must let you all know that I love my new place. it is much newer, much smaller and a whole lot better for me. The views from here can be extraordinary at times and when the weather is in form; it is downright weather channel picture post card beautiful.

I wish to thank everyone who have shared with me their feelings, thoughts and observations on the web site. I am also thankful for the kind words passed my way regarding the results of my efforts on maintaining it. It is a pleasure and I am more than happy to do it. I run into a bump here and a dip there but I hope it is getting better. Hopefully with the coming of the new year, I will be putting yet more time and effort into it.

On a personal note, I must be honest with everyone. I continue to have pain in the evenings. Sleep is hard to obtain and maintaining it is a joke. I am up MOST, not every, night and it is becoming an irritant. I hurt, but this is in addition too the cancer pain I deal with. I hurt from my toes to my head. It is similar to the extreme joint pain one gets with a bad case of the flu; but it's not the flu. I think it is the price one pays for not being 19 years old. I long for a world where Ponce de Leon had found that darn fountain. Oh well, I 'endeavor to persevere.'

Other than some pain, I am so blessed and better that others in this world.

Now for the good personal news. I will not be with you all next month at the meeting. I will be across the river from Minneapolis/St. Paul in the little town of Hudson Wisconsin. For the first time since 2003 I am going out of town somewhere that isn't a Hospital. Now, not being the brightest color in the crayon box, I am going in February. It just worked out and I will be with my oldest daughter and 4 grand kids there. The youngest, my grand son, I have yet to meet. To say I am excited is an understatement. I will be flying up on February 3rd, spending my birthday with them and come back home on the 8th.

I ask that you all say a prayer for me at this time. The boys are going to check in on mom. It's only for six days, but in my life; that's a long time to be away from her.

Well, that's pretty much the only gossip I have to share with everyone and I just hope you had a really Happy Holidays.

Enjoy each other, make every effort in the world to be kind and stay safe.

Be strong , because cancer sucks.

Have a wonderful and blessed 2012.

2012-01-01T06:38:00.001-07:00

Time continues to just rumble on. Things I took as rock solid and ever lasting in my youth have passed to dust in the rear view mirror of today. There was a time when I did not take to heart things which would be so profound to me as I aged.I shall never believe that I will ever have possessed the wisdom of Solomon; I just hope to learn a thing or two as I pass by.

For all my possessions I an certain I own nothing. I try to balance all things in my life now as nothing is so important as ones health. I wish I could plead ignorance but I can not. I am what I have done to myself. Learn from me and this year, please be good to yourself. You will not live forever, but you can live a while longer.

In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.

Job 1:22

It's Christmas afternoon......

2011-12-25T14:53:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Mother.

December 15, 1966 Goodbye Walt, RIP

2011-12-15T08:45:00.001-07:00

You were and still are ‘ The Showman of the World’. We were blessed by your presence.

So my grandchildren know

2011-12-10T09:05:00.001-07:00

what Christmas is really about. The littlest of giving is so much more that the grandest of receiving. We must look out for each other.

A message from Warren

2011-12-08T13:58:00.001-07:00

Be afraid, be very afraid. He will take your mind and play with it prior to tossing it out the window.

A Memo From Warren Ellis by WHITE TRI∆NGLES

do the ‘google thing’ on white triangle if you want to know more

Around my new place.

2011-12-05T14:28:00.002-07:00

I promised I would take some pictures of my new location and today seemed as good as any.

First up is a sunset from the other evening. Tucson is famous for these.

Next up is a few views from my landing looking down to the pool area.

Hear are a few looks up towards Mt. Lemon from the parking area.

And finally, a look inside. Some clutter and not everything is in it’s place, but this gives you a glimpse into the new hovel.

Hope you enjoyed this very quick tour. Yes, I like it up here a lot. This is much smaller and easier on me to keep up. Plus…..wait for it….wait…I hear a drum roll…….

no more yard work. YES!

As a purveyor of fine classical music

2011-12-05T06:38:00.000-07:00

I ran across this early this morning and it brought a smile. Just wanted to share and hopefully share that smile with you.

Besides, where else in the world could you see Darth Vader playing an accordion?

To be so blessed.

2011-11-28T06:41:00.000-07:00

offered without comment

Over the river and through the woods.

2011-11-24T06:37:00.001-07:00

OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOOD

Over the river and through the wood,
To grandfather’s house we go;
The horse knows the way
To carry the sleigh
Through the white and drifted snow.

Over the river and through the wood—
Oh, how the wind does blow!
It stings the toes
And bites the nose,
As over the ground we go.

Over the river and through the wood,
To have a first-rate play.
Hear the bells ring,
“Ting-a-ling-ding!”
Hurrah for Thanksgiving Day!

Over the river and through the wood,
Trot fast, my dapple-gray!
Spring over the ground,
Like a hunting-hound!
For this is Thanksgiving Day.

Over the river and through the wood,
And straight through the barnyard gate.
We seem to go
Extremely slow,
It is so hard to wait!

Over the river and through the wood —
Now grandmother’s cap I spy!
Hurrah for the fun!
Is the pudding done?
Hurrah for pumpkin-pie!

“Over the River and through the Wood“, a favorite holiday poem, was written by Lydia Maria Child. Originally titled, “A Boy’s Thanksgiving Day,” it was first published in Flowers for Children, Vol. 2 in 1844.

today, in 1963

2011-11-22T07:30:00.001-07:00

I remember being in class and having the principal come over the loud speaker, telling us what happened and that our parents would soon be at the school to pick us up to go home. I did not know or realize at the time, but things changed that day.

Remembering

2011-11-11T06:50:00.001-07:00

An the survey says......

2011-11-07T18:18:00.003-07:00

Image via WikipediaI need to catch everyone up with regards to my medical status as of this week. Besides moving, I also had my follow up Pet Scan to my latest round of radiation to my lung. If you have known me for a while or followed my blogs you know what a tenuous time the waiting is. This time was no different but at least I had the moving as a distraction.

The call came first thing last Wednesday morning. My long time Oncology nurse and friend was on the other end and was just busting a smile I could see over the airwaves. The news was good. The treatment showed no uptake and no severe scarring issues. Also, there was no uptake in the throat which my ENT doctor was concerned with. This is real good news and I am very excited to be in good condition currently.

I have been here before. The initial follow up Pet Scan has historically been clean only to come back at the year point. I am staying guardedly positive and not thinking about the cancer so much but in the back of my mind I have to wait until the second scan which will be in about 6 months to finally feel secure in what my condition really is. Such is life.

To be honest, I get tired very easy and still have the pain catch up with me in the evening but at least for now; there is no ‘blackness’ inside me eating away at what is left.
I am alive and I give thanks every day. If you are of like persuasion, I ask that you continue to pray for my health or at least have good thoughts. Know that I have all of you in my prayers as well.

Still living out of some boxes but I at least see the light at the end of the tunnel. In the words of Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce, ‘I shall no more move, forever.’ – Well, sort-a something like that as I have no desire to ever move again. I just hope that is the case. It is very pretty up here and it is amazing how just a little altitude into the foothills make that morning cup of coffee on my patio taste like none other. There is a wonderful chill in the morning breeze and I just watch the clouds hug the mountains. I am happier here than in my previous home though it is much, much smaller. Ah, I needed to get rid of most of that junk anyway. I was a notorious hoarder of anything and everything I have every owned. It was hard, but so much has been either lovingly placed in the capable care of the ‘dump captain’ or passed along to several charities here in town. It was hard, but I have let go of so much.

OK, I wanted to let my friend and acquaintances that follow me here that all is well and we just need to wait for another 6 month scan. Some pictures of the new ‘hovel’ coming soon; I promise.

I just had to share this.

2011-11-04T05:57:00.001-07:00

Thanks and a shout out to gocomics.com ; I just had a chuckle to this one over my morning coffee.

File this under rumor:

2011-11-02T08:25:00.001-07:00

But, I really hope it gets done. Most of you know that I am a ‘pulp’ lover and an avid Doc Savage fan. Well….

Iron Man 3 director says that Doc Savage movie ain't dead yet

The 70’s version with Ron Ely was so bad, even I have a hard time with it. May be this one will be better.

Not done yet

2011-10-28T06:15:00.001-07:00

Have not finished moving to new location yet (should finish over the weekend), but I was able to finally spend the night here. Somewhat exciting and coffee this morning on my patio sure taste good. I will post some pictures soon, right now there are a lot of boxes and just stuff. Direct TV gets hooked up this afternoon. More to come soon.

cleaning up my desktop

2011-10-15T06:48:00.001-07:00

as I stumble across interesting things I grab them and have all good intentions to making some comment then I just give up and realize some things aren’t meant to be commented on unless of course I decide to make a posting of things of interest I come across and just simply don’t have time to comment on other than to say that I found them interesting so I have decided to share them without further comment

A morning prayer

2011-10-14T06:22:00.001-07:00

O, good God, good morning!
You've given me another day to live, Lord:
a day to shape into something beautiful,
a day to serve others, a day to give you thanks,
a day in the life of you and me, Lord.
How would you have me spend this day?
With whom would you have me share it?
Along what path will your Spirit draw me?
Close to whose heart will your heart lead me?
What word would you have me speak today?
What quiet time together have you planned for us to share?
What tears might I cry today
And with what joy will you touch my soul?
When I'm tired today give me strength, Lord.
When I'm moving too fast, slow me down.
When I'm saying too much, let me know.
When I need to speak, give me words to say.
Give me patience with this day's routine, Lord,
and open my eyes to see what is fresh and new.
Because this day comes from your hand, it's blessed
and because I can offer it back to you, it's a gift.
O, good God, good morning!
Keep me safe until I say good night...

This is by Austin Fleming which I found at A Concord Pastor Comments website. Please visit them, I do daily. Today’s prayer echo’s in my heart and mind.

another sad day RIP Steve

2011-10-06T05:34:00.001-07:00

Some mornings start off sort of hard then turn to gold.

2011-10-04T08:01:00.001-07:00

Honestly, I woke up this morning with a ton of stuff I needed to do, a few thoughts about my problems and a real desire to get that first cup of coffee down. I did offer my thanks to God for giving me this day, but I was not as happy or upbeat as I normally try to be.

As I inserted breakfast and listened to the news, it just seems that the world is on some sort of collision course with stupidly on a cosmic scale. Nothing seems right. The violence, the horrible condition people live in, the inability to feel good about being alive was pressing down hard this morning.

I finally made the effort to start up the lap top and take a look at the usual stops I make on the www thingy. I was about to give up and just try and make it into my day with as good a spirit as I could muster.

Then I came across this video. All of a sudden it was OK. Life was still good. The world in it’s own special way was a wonderful place. There was a reason to shed a tear in joy and not just cry of sadness.

Please, no thoughts of the ‘tiger mom’ syndrome. I choose to believe this is God given talent to an individual as one of those reminders that people are special and that we matter. I hope you enjoy this and it gives you pause to accept what is still of worth in this world.

Who the heck is Ethel?

2011-09-07T07:48:00.002-07:00

As read to my support group last night by Scott

Hello everyone,

As always, the evening of the first Tuesday of each month brings a joy to my heart. Like a young man wrestling with the prospect of falling in love for the first time; the anticipation of yet again being amongst friends is as palatable as the porch scene in the rain between William Hurt and Kathleen Turner in the movie Body Heat. Well, may be not that titillating however I do get very happy and appropriately excited to see each and everyone of you.

I yet again started Radiation treatments this morning for the fourth time. It is rather disappointing at how accustomed I have become to that table and that rather apocalyptic mustard yellow sword of Damocles which revolves around my body. It has become an old companion which brings depressing invisible waves of destruction which in some hysterically ironic way; prolongs my live. Go figure.

As has become my accustomed duty on that bed which I just know came from some Hilton Hotel which Paris somehow decided she could live without (read that as hard as heck); I close my eyes and think of blessings I have enjoyed in my live. My grand kids come to mind first, followed by their parents followed by my mother and father then you guys. In the end, after all the crap, after I take tally and account of what is of any significances in my life; that's about it. Add to that list my belief in God and my church, I quickly realize laying under the revolving science fiction Ray Gun charging forth to slay my disease; those are the only importance I truly have. You guys, each of you and others I know and love as family and friends; you guys, you are my treasure and the glimmering gems which get me out from under that stupid mustard yellow, stupid contraption. It truly is ironic to me how something I really despise gives me the opportunity to say thanks for and show a little appreciation of that list of wonderful people who give me such awesome strength.

No, radiation treatments aren't fun; but I guess they beat chasing after wayward women till my passing from this old world. May be (?)

My mom is still with me. She has no real idea, beyond the faint fact that I am someone she knows. Most of the time now she is asleep, yet I sit next to her on the couch and hold her hand. I take calm warmth from the fact that I know she is mostly at peace now and her sprit is for the most part calm. Like time on that table; "this too shall pass."

Today is my oldest daughters Birthday. I told her on the computer that I loved her this morning and life is good. In the end, it truly is OK.

Thank you to each and every one of you for being in my life, for bringing strength and putting up with babbling on. It's just that I love you all so much and wish you all well.

Be strong my friends, because like the Fields of Asphodel; Cancer Sucks!

PS. for those of you who know:

Billy was a mountain and Ethel was a tree growing off his shoulder.

Do I really need to comb my hair if today I ware a hat?

2011-08-23T16:21:00.002-07:00

E-mail sent to my support group this afternoon.

Once a man has seen, he can no longer turn his back on it. Never pretend it doesn't exist. No matter who orders him to look the other way.

We do not do this thing because it is permitted. We do it because we are compelled.

-Rorschach from Watchmen/ Alan Moore

Hello everyone,

It has been a while and I have been remiss in my sharing with you for some time as to my place in this world. I shall endeavor to make amends for this is my usually and only realistic way; by the written English language. If you are so inclined to read father, I trust you will be more the enlightened as to my current state. If you choose to end your reading at this point I bid you farewell and my best to you.

If you have known me for any length of time and have been so kind to have read any of my previous communications with the members of this group, you probably know that some sort of historical perspective will be offered as my device of choice to enable us all to consider this moment in life to reflect and learn and question and endure. You shall not be incorrect in that assumption this time as well.

However, firstly; let me express my continued love and respect for each and every one of you. I continue to offer no apologies for my endearments to each of you. All of you offer me strength, encouragements and heartfelt embraces of endearment. Never has such a group existed (in my humble opinion) and I again proclaim my pride of membership in this 'embracement' of support. Thank you.

Some of you may be aware of Maximilian Kolbe (1894-1941), others of you may not be. Either way, please indulge me this small retelling of his story in order to ponder what we have seen and what we are compelled to do. Maximilian Kolbe was a Polish priest who provided shelter for thousands of Jews in his friary. He was arrested and imprisoned by the Gestapo in Auschwitz. When a fellow prisoner escaped, ten other prisoners were to be killed in reprisal. Lined up and helpless to anything but their impending fate, one of the doomed began to cry out, "My wife! My children! I will never see them again!" At this, Maximilian stepped forward and asked to die in that persons place. His request was granted and it is attested that he lead the fellow men in song and prayer as they awaited their deaths. That is where this wonderful mans life ended and is somewhat a known moment in history especially amongst various Christian religious institutions.

Some back-story if you would allow.

Maximilian had also lived in Japan and had founded a monastery on the outskirts of Nagasaki. Four years after his martyrdom, on August 9, 1945, the atomic bomb was dropped on Nagasaki, but that monastery miraculously survived.

We as a support group are in need to ask ourselves some questions. It is apparent that we need to take our place in line. No my dear friends, our nor my quandaries are anywhere near as dire as Maximilian Kolbe faced. And I thank Divine Providence and the United States military for that. That being said, it is now time that we all search our inner self and ask is there something I can step up and be of service to this assemblage of austere fellows. (?) I can not answer the phone nor make the call. I can no longer stand before any assemblage and preach our cause. But, I can use the written word, I can stand, I can be accounted when it comes time to be strong. I every day offer up prayers for not only individuals in this group, I also offer prayers for our collective blessings as a party of like caused. I give you all as much support as I can and I will answer any desire that may be tendered my way. I can write e-mail. I venture to ask, would we be serviced by a newsletter. If I can, I will.

I really do not want to see this group simply pass in the night. It is so very important to me and I still have need of it. I have once again become subject to the black plague. It has once again returned to my lung, presently about the size of my thumb nail.

I may be the oddity but I always seem to sense the comings, goings and attachments of Cancer within my blood stream. I seem to never be caught unawares by PET Scan results. I always seem to know, I always seem to feel its ugly presence within me.

This past week, I have had to yet again ask questions and obtain answers. I have had council of old and trusted friend, I have meet new surgeons and new systems of medical care taking. I have discovered yet new insurance codes to be used and denied and fought over and to be a source of, well, just another part of my life. I am never at a loss for finding a way to challenge the medical community.

Tomorrow, I go to start the process for my 5th attempt at having a radiation attack upon my health's enemy. It's funny when you have surgeons review your medical history and expound amazement. Yes, he obtained his co-payment from the Stephen R. Parker Medical Relief Act. (Pun intended) Many is the doctor that has been replenished by my condition.

So, like Maximilian, we and I need to ask questions. Amongst them, what line are we willing to stand in?

Amongst so many, I miss each of our departed fellow members; I cry, I remember and I look forward to a time when this group will no longer be needed. It just isn't that time yet. I still need to know you are there. Please don't give up.

Be strong everyone, Cancer Sucks.

Before

2011-08-07T08:27:00.003-07:00

there was Indiana Jones; before there was Brown. Before there was Holy Blood Holy Grail……there was the Ladies Home Journal. With cover by N. C. Wyeth. This is from 1924.

To my Granddaughters; do not for one second think you can not. Do not never dare not to dream. You are just as valid as anyone. Make your way through life. Climb your mountains, sail your seas. Whether they are high or deep or low and shallow isn’t important. Be strong, be yourself. Dolls are fine if that’s your choice, but not less valid than ancient Mayan secrets. Do not be afraid to wear a dress but be comfortable in dirty jeans. Look beautiful on your ‘red carpets’; be at peace in your own skin. Be Do

There are many things wrong.

2011-08-06T08:18:00.001-07:00

Every day, the news is full of ‘woe to man’ stories. One after another after another. This morning I awoke to my country being downgraded. Are you kidding me.(?) The Ring of Fire is, well; on fire. No one has answers. Until now.

Forget 2012. Forget Yellowstone. Heck, forget Washington DC. Here is the true reason, God help us all.

Have you ever finished the last page of a book and….

2011-07-22T09:59:00.002-07:00

Pulp was a big part of my developmental reading. I have packed away my Doc Savage collection ready for Hayden to reach the age of 10 and discover that world as I did.

There is currently a resurge of this venerable form of literature from the early to mid years of the 20th century. A time when there was Radio and the theater of the mind and Saturday Morning serials down on Main Street at the Bijou. My parents showed such movies at their traveling ‘tent movie’ showings early in their marriage. I explored the world of pulp from books.

While I read a lot, I tend to resist blogging and reviewing the books I read for several reasons. I don’t consider what I like to be universal by any stretch of my imagination and; I am not a reviewer by trade. However, ever so often I read a work that I do wish to speak of and share my thoughts.

The Chinatown Death Cloud Peril by Paul Malmont (Simon & Schuster Paperbacks) is one such book. In Mr. Malmont’s debut effort, he manages to take me back to my youth, hits me over the head with nonstop action, takes my breath with white knuckle escapes and reminds me that is was and is OK to know that ‘Right’ does need to win. The twist in this wonderful read is that it revolves around some of the giant pulpateers themselves. You may or may not recognize some our all of the authors/characters mentioned. If you do, you will smile, if not, I ask that you look into the past and discover heroes like Doc Savage, The Shadow or the Avenger. At least it will be an exposure to such names as Dent or Hubbard (yes, that L. Ron Hubbard) and maybe even Lovecraft.

This yarn leaves you breathless.

Oh yes, the review part:

Have you ever finished the last page of a book and thought man, I wish I had written that? Well, now I have thought just that. Good job Mr. Malmont, thank you for taking me back to the time I enjoyed reading stories that were good. Thank you and the others who are bringing back pulp in the written form.

Happy Birthday Disneyland

2011-07-17T06:42:00.004-07:00

Thank you WALT. What was just simply roaming thoughts sitting on a bench watching your daughters go round and round became the icon and landmark for 'The Happiest Place on Earth'. For 56 years now, your gates have been opened, the tickets have been sold, the picture in front of the mouse have been taken, a short walk through the tunnel and disbelief is suspended.

There are many sites on the Internet to see pictures and read stories and enjoys other fans company. I hope each of you enjoy whatever remembrance you have planed either at the park or just in your minds. Remember the happy times, the wonderful experiences, the moments of pride in nation and the realization of times past were no different that times present nor times future; to smile with your heart is the true blessing Walt left for us all.

Not just today,

2011-06-19T07:17:00.004-07:00

but everyday, I miss my dad. Every single thing that I am is because of him. I miss him and I love him and I wish I had but one more moment to give him a hug and to simply let him share a smile with me. He has been gone for so long but he is always close. He is silent now but says so much. He was there for me and sometimes I didn't even know it. There is nothing Gold can buy, nothing that can be gained beyond the love of a father like mine. I am in all ways most humble by his comfort over the years. He was my Dad. Please hear me when I say; I Love You.

someone snuck into my library and took a picture

2011-06-11T09:16:00.001-07:00

OK, maybe I am dreaming again. I just love this.

the Porcelain Unicorn

2011-05-24T07:55:00.001-07:00

AC posted this today and finding it touching; I wanted to share.

My Friend does the CHOC Walk!

2011-05-19T08:36:00.001-07:00

I wish to let all of you know that my wonderful “Disney” friend Connie Moreno has signed up again to do the CHOC walk. Please go here and help her reach her goal. This is a wonderful cause and was important to Walt himself.

I know times are hard and we all have our own needs, but now is also the time we must remember the needs of others. Every little bit adds up and will be a blessing to children in need.

Thank you and if you have the time, let Connie know you are with her every step in the park.

Here is the link to Connie’s blog and you can go from there to her donation page.

A wish for all mothers today.

2011-05-08T07:46:00.001-07:00

I hope you are full of happiness and are blessed in every way.

A mother's job is not to create a bed of roses,
but to help them learn how to pick their way through the thorns.

Elaine Heffner

I have posted this picture before, but I never tire of looking at it:

My words are unworthy of conveying how I truly feel about you. Of expressing thanks for all the things you have given me over the years. I can never adequately express my admiration for you and could never give voice to the examples you conveyed by the way you lived your life. I can only say ‘I love you’ and pray to the Lord he will whisper in you ear my meaning. God blessed my dad so much by giving him your love. You are truly a wonderful woman. Thank you for all you have done.

Happy Mother’s Day, today and always.

Amazing Grace

2011-04-22T07:10:00.002-07:00

In keeping with the reason we pause, to accept the FACT that there are wonderful things to be grateful for in this life. I can only dream as to the sound of the chorus to be heard in Heaven.

Please take a few minutes, to pause, to hear and to reflect.

Yet more dreaming by me.

2011-04-21T07:22:00.002-07:00

I apologize, however, I love browsing the Awesome Spaces web site. It offers many moments of relaxation.

With Easter being this Sunday, I always enjoyed this special day as a child and even (maybe more so) as an adult. I ran across this and my mind went directly to hiding eggs here for all my grand-children.

If only….

Trees tall and strong

Grass green and vibrant

Cherry Blossoms frame my life

and make me so very happy that all of you

are in it.

Enjoy the weekend my family and friends and I hope, pray and trust you remember why this is such a special occurrence we observe. Remember to care for one another.

R.I.P. Elisabeth Sladen 1948 – 2011

2011-04-20T08:43:00.001-07:00

Companions to the Doctor are special. She brought a special something to it that refused to be labeled as pretty. You fought a good fight Elisabeth and I thank you for what you did.

http://icebergink.blogspot.com/2011/04/doctor-loses-stalwart-companion-rip.html

I thought I might just take a second and wish!

2011-04-15T06:57:00.001-07:00

Oh, would coffee taste any better here? Would I feel any better, live any longer if this was my home address? Could I read more? Sleep less?

I can smell the salt in the breeze, I can feel the warmth of the rising sun over the waves. I hear seagulls.

My hovel in the desert is no less special. But, I do sometimes wish.

A quick update

2011-04-13T08:14:00.001-07:00

Several have inquired as to how I am doing as of late. I wanted to let you all know that I am well. I tend to endure periods where I feel no one really wants to be bothered by the events which encompass my life. For a sick person (uggggg) for a person with ills (uggggg) for us all, life seems to be most hectic and I am so in need of the 36 hour day!

A lot of my attention has been focused on my mother as of late. She is still in rehab for probably another week. I have found her a place to live and I feel very good about it.

All in all, the mage is alive and somewhat well. Spare time is consumed with service to my church followed by reading followed by some game play. The boys and I are enjoying our time in WOW.

I will attempt to post more soon, I have just taken a short sojourn. I assure all that I am as well as I can be.

I use to tell the kids that Mickey went to sleep.

2011-02-26T18:47:00.001-07:00

ah, well, that wasn’t really true:

An Old Testament World!

2011-02-02T11:27:00.001-07:00

{Delivered to my support group last night, read by Mindy}

Hello Everyone,

As always, I find myself in happy awe of all of you. I am proud to be counted among your list of friends and I am impassioned by my respect of each and every story you bring here each and every month.

It was a most amazing January; was it not?

Birds falling from the sky, fish drowning and washing up on the beach. Storms on Saturn. Volcanoes lighting up the night sky in diverse places. WOW, we live in an Old Testament World! And, that doesn't even cover the stuff we are exposed to on the evening news. Shootings right here in our home town, worldwide strange weather and seems like the entire Middle East in turmoil, wait, oh sorry; the Middle East is always in turmoil; but you get the point. What's next, dogs and cats living together? We indeed are living in strange times.

Not so headline worthy, but none the less important to me; my mom fell and hurt her head about 3 weeks ago. I take her to the ER for stitching up and while there, I have a blood pressure drop, fall and break my nose. At least I wasn't far from getting help. Like all face wounds, I was bleeding all over; but, I wash up pretty good and I am better now.

Speaking of mom, she continues to digress in her mental and memory aspects. She requires a lot of attention which seemed the place I have her at wanted to make a drastic upping of the charge for watching her. After a lot of talking with them, they have decided to continue at the same rate at least for now. For those who have been involved with Alzheimer's disease know what I am dealing with. It is hard but also provides for blessing and a special bond between my mother and myself that is a privilege that I will never regret.

As for me, the chest CT was good and normal and all those really good things which we are all so happy to hear. There is a spot which demands that an eye keep attention for any growth; but hay, for me, that seems about normal. I got a very good report from all of my doctors and nurse (wink/wink...Jan is always there for me) and I look forward to the next round of scans in the near future.

How I feel is a different issue. I hurt. I have trouble breathing. I am old. Nothing much can be done. I simply cannot afford to pay for another prosthetic at the current time. Oh well, as a non-producer in this society, I have no tears to shed.

I really hope each of you believe me when I say I much encouragement I get from being in your presence. I love and respect each and every one of you. I hope and pray for us all.

Be strong my glorious friends; after what we have been through...Old Testament type news is just a walk in the park; besides, what can they do; send us to the Nam?

Love to you all and my best wishes.

A pedantic discourse on things in front of my nose.

2011-01-25T13:05:00.001-07:00

{sent this morning to my support group}

'And in the absence of facts, myth rushes in, the kudzu of history.'

Cleopatra A Life ....Stacy Schiff

Hello everyone,

I once again find myself with the time to ponder. It occurs; and I confess makes desire to bring finger tips to key board. Oh for the older times when that line would have read; bring pen to hand. Oh well, time stops for no man.

Upon reading the above sentence in the new book by Ms Schiff, I was drawn in my memory to, and I would admit to several occurrences in times past listening to the pulpit, of the use of an amusing story of one William Randolph Hearst and his art collection. I cannot say if this story is indeed factual or if like accounts of kidney thieves, is mere urban legion. I offer it merely as reflective of my thought and without further statement as to the accurateness. As retold by several pastors in my life; (and as included by Warren Wiersbe) it goes something like this:

William Randolph Hearst Was a Billionaire Who Made His Fortune as a Newspaper Publisher. He Decided at One Point in His Life to Invest His Fortune in Great Works of Art. One Day He Read About a Very Valuable Piece of Art in an Art Magazine, and He Decided That He Wanted to Buy It. So, He Called His Agent and Sent Him All Over the World Trying to Find It. The Agent Searched for It All Over the World, But He Couldn’t Find It.

William Randolph Hearst Insisted That He Find the Piece of Art; So, He Sent Him Out Again. Finally, the Agent Returned and Said, "Mr. Hearst I Have Found the Valuable Piece of Art You Have Been Searching For. Mr. Hearst Said, "That is Wonderful Where Was It?" Then, the Agent Said, "It Was in Your Own Warehouse Sir; You Bought It Several Years Ago."

It has been stated at past meetings that WE as a group are in need of speakers. My friends, as I have no voice, I ask that you please indulge me and my desire to speak to this issue in the only manner I possess.

I personally see several Doctors on a regular basis. I shall upon my next visit with each, ask if they would be interested in addressing us. I know some of you are in the medical field and have access to reps from a verity of companies which may be interested in coming for a visit. Heck, I would indeed promise you all to behave most civilly in the presence of an insurance reprehensive. Honest, I would behave. I for one am most appreciative of anyone whom would take of their time and knowledge and share with us. It doesn't even really have to be medical or cancer related. There are many, many subjects which I personally would think be of interest to US as a group. I dare suggest almost any subject could somehow be germane to all of us. Give it some thought! One never knows unless one asks.

On this subject, I have a question. Do we as a group give as a token of our appreciation any sort of gift for speaking to us? In times past and in my other lives, I would always present a token of thanks. Sometimes in the form of a pen with a logo on it. I know that one of the most cherished mementos I personally received (in that past life of mine) was a simple index card of thanks signed by all in attendance. I hope we do. If not, I would ask that we do whatever is correct and governing to get something. It never has to be big nor expensive; it just should be honest.

That being said, I wish to make the following observation to everyone. I so enjoy and relish the time we spend in just catching each other up. I hope and desire that we always have and make the time to hear from each other. Like a warm cup of coffee at the breakfast table, we as a family must come to the meeting table with support. Lord knows I so need that. I would be willing to venture that most of the rest of us do as well. There is something permanent about the LOVE of true friends, those enjoined in battle.

I must tell you that I look forward each month to commune with each of you. I give thanks to Providence for our being able to do just that. Come together, tell stories, joke, cry, encourage and stir into a better life; if only in the moment. I find inspiration in each and every one of you. You, all of you; make my life better and I long to hear of your struggles, your victories and your blessed and beautiful .. every day of life. I am almost embarrassed to convey that those moments spent going around the table and listening to each of you is a highlight in my life. I am so proud and amazed by the breath of wonder which sits around me each time we meet.

Please, nothing I say is to be mistaken as a desire NOT to have guest speakers. It is not. I think it is important that we are exposed to and are educated by the current state of medical advance in our shared concern. This is a good, noble and important part of our healing process.

I just, also feel, it is so important that we not forget to enjoy in the victories and yes, setbacks; of each other. I by no means would ever for one moment pretend to know what was in the mind of Mike upon creation of this group and the wonderful job done by all of you who have been here from the beginning. I can only announce what I gain from what you all have so bravely done! You have given me friendship. I cherish it so highly and I desire to see it preserved. My hope and desire is that we never get so busy, or caught up in all that each of us face daily; that we forget what we all ready possess in our own warehouse: each other.

I hope to see each of you at this next meeting and I wish you all health. Be strong.

High Crimes and Misdemeanors…?

2011-01-17T12:59:00.001-07:00

No.

Chasing an intergalactic spy across the heavens?

No.

Playing full contact D&D game?

No.

Was at hospital last night (mom had fallen), got a little woozy, add in some low blood pressure and probably not enough to eat and Walla… pass out time with nose in the lead!

I am OK, broke my nose but nothing to bad. Hay, at least I was in the hospital ER all ready.

Happy Birthday Guy!

2011-01-14T13:17:00.001-07:00

You went to other worlds and you flew with a jet pack! Not many can say that. Happy Birthday Professor.

Some things to help you along the way!

2010-12-24T14:29:00.002-07:00

Hello to my grandchildren and Merry Christmas.
One of you of just around the corner, one a few miles away and several of you a long way away from me in the frozen north. I love each of you and I have faith in God that each of you are of good health and are protected.
It is almost Christmas morning and I truly hope each of you enjoy your celebration of the day. Some of you are still young and have no realization other than wow, I'm getting stuff. Some of you older ones may be developing an appreciation of family along with wow, I'm getting stuff. One of you is excited by the box and paper.
I am not a man of wealth. I have no treasure to bestow upon you other than a small token of what has become a modern interpretation of the holiday season. I will confess to you that yes; I have attempted to present to each, something purchased. However, I want to say to each of you that that, is merely a display of a holiday that comes at the end of the year. I also want to pass along a little appreciation of and a personal belief in the celebration of the birth of Christ. Christmas.
I will leave it to your parents and your own maturity and growth in life to become acquainted with and develop a 'religious' identity. That children, is for your mom and dad to nurture in your youth and for you to discover as you reach an age of understanding and acceptance. It is important for your grandfather to express to you that I am a Christian. Beyond that, it is truly between you and God.
That said, I wish to give you each the gift of what I hope for and wish to share with you on this special observance. No, the baby Jesus wasn't really born on December 25th. No one really knows. It is a day to stop and realize just that he was born. We have gone through a lot of manifestations to this point; mostly about the giving is pretty universal. So, I wish to give each of you something.
The first thing I wish to give each of you is my Love. Children are a wonderful thing. But you my grandchildren are a most precious gift. I love each of you. No demands to be anyone other than who you are.
I would like to give you curiosity. No matter in which direction you are traveling in your life; grab it, take a hold of it. See what it's about. Consume life, do not be consumed by it.
I give you the desire to have a proper education. Demand reading, writing and arithmetic no matter what level of education you obtain or desire. You have to want and work for it. Schooling, your education, is important. Do not squander it or assume it's a right you have. You have to gather it, you have to gather everything you can, then peruse what is going to benefit you. I submit that you work hard on reading, writing and arithmetic. If your mind is grounded in these, all other things of interest should come easy. No, not very fun, but trust your grandfather. It is important.
I would like to give you compassion. That is a reflection of what I believe this day is a celebration of. At least a long time ago it was. It's not about a race car, nor a doll house. It is about how you feel about your brother, your sister, your friends and family. These feelings will change over time, wax and wane with distance; just never take any living thing for granted. We, both you and I and everyone are here to help each other. Strive to do so without boasting or becoming demanding.
I want each of you to have humble self worth. You are important. Never let anyone take from you your self esteem. As you get older and understand these words and there meaning, remember that your grandfather wanted you to keep your importance utmost in your mind as you grow and develop. Do not give yourself away. You will understand this with age. Just never think that you are not important. You are important and special.
I give you a little bit of humor. Life can be hard and I personally believe that you will face horrible things I could never anticipate. Remember to stop for a second and know its OK to laugh WITH. Just never laugh AT. Your world can be funny and that's a good thing to observe and embrace.
I give you strength. Every day, every step of the way, you're going to need strength. Some days you're going to cry and feel like letting go and not face tomorrow. You have to find a way to get up, dust yourself off and continue. No matter what you think in that moment, the sun will rise tomorrow, you can and must continue.
It's OK to cry. I do!
It's OK to worry. Just do so in small amounts.
Try not to hate, once you get to my age; you'll realize that it was a waste of time.
Take care of your body and your health. I did not; learn from my mistake. Be smart, your body is a temple, respect it.
I give you goals. Set them. They don't have to be big or long term. Just set goals and get use to obtaining them. You will adjust them with maturity.
Take the time to look around you every day. Learn to discover details around you. It's even OK to write them down. The color of a flower in your yard or along the road will slip your memory as you age. If you write down what's important to you, you will be able to clearly look back in your old age. It will be important. This looking will be different for each of you. That's OK.
Share things and don't get upset. Give is an important word. Being honest and truthful is very important and will make your way through life easier. Tolerance of others is a good thing.
Well, I have blathered enough and I could go on; but I will not go on much more. I just want you to know that Christmas isn't a holiday season. It's a cerebration of a birth. I challenge each of you to discover the birth of who and why that birth was important. When you discover that true meaning of Christmas, and I hope and pray you will; know that the gift waiting for you there is worth more than anything I could ever give. I just hope and pray that these things will help you along your journey.

Somehow, seems appropriate.

2010-12-16T10:02:00.002-07:00

I ran across this and wanted to share. I started watching expecting not to like this; however, by the end I felt it very moving. I hope you enjoy it as well.

A prolegomena to Thanksgiving; an epistemological look at my caloric intake.

2010-11-25T08:36:00.001-07:00

And why I am thankful to be alive.

On this wonderful day and because more than a few have asked, I thought I would share with all how I consume. I off this accounting as merely an answer to the question of how and to let all of you know how blessed I am and how truly thankful I am that this is a blessing from God as the alternative would be starvation.

I need a couple of things to begin:

A can of food which I purchase from Walgreens in one of three flavors, a cup and a syringe.

Today, for Thanksgiving breakfast I chose Vanilla. Just because.

Give the can a good shake, nothing like lumpy vanilla. Yucccky!

Into that cup it goes.

Purging my tube, nothing like stomach fluids flying every where. Sorry, but it’s a fact; I have to be careful as it can be very embarrassing if I’m not careful.

Get a syringe full of substance.

And, into the tube, ready to be pushed into my stomach. This is done slowly for several reasons.

Let the line breath and allow the fluid level to find its way into my stomach via gravity….yup; just need to allow for leveling.

After finishing a can, the cup and syringe gets a cleaning flush.

Time for a juicy dessert if you will. For me this occurrence calls for Grape. Oh yummy. Wish I could taste.

Same procedure, have to purge the air and allow for gravity.

Down the hatch; well, down the tube for me. Then, when done, simply rinse and repeat as needed.

I hope this has in no way has thrown a shadow over your Thanksgiving meal. I just thought it was proper to share with you what I do for not only today but every day in order to keep alive. I am so very thankful really. If the ability and procedures of having a feeding tube were not available, I would have no way of eating and would not be alive. It is important to me to be thankful. I trust you have something in your life to be thankful for as well.

Random Act of Culture

2010-11-08T10:45:00.001-07:00

“On Saturday, October 30, 2010, the Opera Company of Philadelphia brought together over 650 choristers from 28 participating organizations to perform one of the Knight Foundation’s “Random Acts of Culture” at Macy’s in Center City Philadelphia. Accompanied by the Wanamaker Organ - the world’s largest pipe organ - the OCP Chorus and throngs of singers from the community infiltrated the store as shoppers, and burst into a pop-up rendition of the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel’s “Messiah” at 12 noon, to the delight of surprised shoppers.”

Please take a moment out of the craziness of ‘the season’ and ponder the reason. I hope you enjoy…..Hallelujah at Macy’s.

A walk in downtown Tucson this morning:

2010-10-22T14:16:00.001-07:00

Chicago Store is a ‘must’ stop for any musician.

Just some random views.

Me in the emptiness

always a Church in town

Colors

Looking up

water and trees

There is beauty here, just sometimes unseen.

It still to this day evokes.

2010-10-19T09:35:00.001-07:00

It was 1968 and I was 13 years old. We were visiting my Uncle in Shreveport Louisiana and the only desire I had was to see this movie. I knew it was a long movie and promised to tell a story unlike any other at that time. I remember talking mom and dad into dropping me off and into the theater I went.

There was a large cutout poster board of the ape with bone just being flung into the air. Models and dioramas of the spaceships in the movie. Funny looking red eye ball things strangely spread through out the lobby and a large black rectangle placed just as you entered the inner doors into the auditorium. No fooling, movies where grand big events is those days.

I got a coke and a popcorn and into my seat. I began a life long journey into imagination and speculation that Saturday morning. It was to become my favorite movie until the release of Blade Runner. But on that glorious Saturday morning, the world of 2001 seems so far away and so full of excitement. It was so full of hope. I wanted so much to be apart of THAT world; that world of 2001, so long ago now. Funny, it was a horrible year for me in reality; but in that dark theater in 1968; it sure looked amazing to a young boy who wanted to believe.

I purchased and built a model of the PanAm space clipper from the movie. I wish I still had it. It sat on the shelf in the front of our trailer and I looked at it daily for a long, long time from our dinner table. It took me to a lot of places in the universe; only to be startled awake by my mother asking me to pass the salt. Funny how that works!

ODE’ to my Field Notes

2010-10-15T08:01:00.002-07:00

As some my know

In my pocket it is stowed

It everywhere goes

In it my thoughts sometimes flow.

mageThuer's posterous

postings of pictures and thoughts from my htc phone & other stuff

is where I post pictures of amongst other things the travels and travails encountered with my Field Notes!

Here is a wonderful little interlude into the making of:

find out more at http://fieldnotesbrand.com/

Sometimes, silence is best.

2010-10-07T08:34:00.001-07:00

October 2010 letter to support group

2010-10-06T07:15:00.001-07:00

delivered last night to my support group and read by Mindy

Hello Everyone,

As always, I am so happy to see everyone.

I am good in body and strong in faith. All is well and even the stray $500 bills here and there are nothing more than mindless attacks on my sanity. Paid for over 4 years; now become a bill due and owed by me. I must confess that it is merely a game.

I must also tell you it is fun to send in a remittal for an amount which cost the bill collectors more to process that what is needed for them to stay above the profit margin. I love them and I pray for them, but it's a hoot to mess with them. I am so unafraid that it frightens them I think. Ahh, they don't care. Oh well, I am at peace with the Lord about this and I confess my sin of obstinacy.

I have found a placement for my mother. Please pray for me as I am fighting mightily with myself about this decision. My mind knows that I have made the correct decision; however, my heart screams at me and places a burden upon the strings of being an honorable son. It has been hard to let go and place her care into someone else's hands. The struggle is in my mind I know but the sadness of distance is real in my heart. I can only pray that God understands and my dad in heaven will know the job I did and hopefully he will be proud. I owe both of my parents so much, so much that I could ever repay. They loved me and I am so thankful.

Be strong everyone, now more than ever. The world needs us. Yes, we are all so important and needed by the world at this time. Believe me, mankind is desperately in need. They have not come to the reality that we have to face every day, every second. Life is important and worth living! While the world wants to give up; it is important that we shine a light on the value of the struggle. Do not be dismissed. We have value and I refuse to be a non-producer.

Thank you for being my friends and I am so proud to call you a fellow child of God; if that offends, then I recognize you as a fellow human being.

By the way, my youngest grandson has a tooth. That's officially one more that I have. Life is good and strawberry formula is just fine.

It's CIRQUE de BIZARRE

2010-10-02T10:02:00.001-07:00

If you are in or near South Pasadena today; drop by and enjoy the talent. AC and others will be there.

What Good Am I?

2010-09-25T08:13:00.001-07:00

I am somewhat often brought to tears by both music and wonderful words sung with talent on par with angels in heaven.

Please take a moment and enjoy this sound by Tom Jones of feelings written by Bob Dylan.

the Hovel is this many, today!

2010-09-24T07:40:00.002-07:00

It was three years ago that I started this blog. I had been posting to a web site for a while but was looking for a better, faster way to communicate. I decided to start this blog. It was originally just to be a way to get out some news as to how my cancer was progressing and just to amuse myself and spend a little time.

My very first blog post is here.

It quickly turned to being an open letter to my grandchildren. One big long this is who I am, this is what is on my mind, this is important to me; this is just of interest; here is what I told others about me and hello, I love you; all in one place for them to get a chance to know me. That’s why there really isn’t a single theme or linear approach to this blog. There isn’t one.

When one gets older; being know becomes an important thought with respect to one’s on grandchildren.

As I sit here and write this, my mother, your great grand mother fell a few weeks ago and hurt herself. She is being transferred from Villa Campana where she has been recovering and will shortly be placed into a permanent care home. I am unsettled in this; however, I just can no longer extend to her the care and attention she requires. These past several years have taken their toll own both her and me. I want to tell you that I am tired, but I continue, as best I can to honor my mother and father.

Seems like life never takes a break and keeps coming in all its fury. Oh well, with God’s grace, I will endure. Remember, if it does not kill you; it can only make you stronger.

As you (any visitor) go through any post here, know that you are most welcomed. I have meet some amazingly wonderful people via this blog and the internet. You are encouraged to drop me a note, leave a comment and what I most hope for; that you find encouragement to live each and every day to the best of your ability. Just remember, you are opening and envelope and taking out a letter from me to my grandchildren. It’s OK, you are welcome to read along and hopefully enjoy the journey. I pray each and every day they will. I never grow tired of telling them that I love them. I just hope they remember that I was here, that I tried really hard and I want nothing but their happiness.

God Bless you guys. I really enjoy talking to each one of you.

The Reluctant Stowaway: Airdate September 15, 1965

2010-09-14T15:55:00.000-07:00

That was 45 years ago. I was 10 years old and we lived in the Pecan Grove Trailer Park in Picayune Mississippi. It was a Wednesday.

I recall going to the local market on the previous week and getting the TV Guide. There was the ‘Upcoming Season Premier’ Issue. We had three national channels then. Color was sparse and really was the domain of Walt Disney and maybe a special or two throughout the year. If you were lucky and lived in a large market, you maybe got a local ‘Indy’ channel. Picayune had no such thing. Three, count them; three channels on a very small black and white set; but what shows.

I flipped the pages and it was a glorious time; it was a Golden Age. Sunday night was always hard, Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea was at 7:00 PM with the Disney show at 7:30. Oh, the horror of having to sacrifice the the last half of Voyage if Disney looked interesting, much less if there was one of the cool updates to Disneyland scheduled which was MUST viewing.

12 O'clock High was on Monday; Combat and Red Skelton ruled Tuesday; everyone’s favorite little buddy was on his Island on Thursday. Friday night provided probably ‘The Best’ evenings’ viewing of any night of any time, ever. It was non-stop starting with The Wild Wild West, followed by Hogan’s Heroes then Gomer Pyle then the decision between Mr. Roberts or the Smothers Brothers then finally at the end of the night, The Man from Uncle. Now that was a line up.

Saturday was pretty good with Flipper then Jeannie in her bottle and then Get Smart. It was amazing entertainment with only one hole for me. Wednesday night. Wednesday had some good shows but nothing that really flipped my boat. It had a big hit with my mom in The Virginian some comedy with The Beverly ‘country folk’ and their money from oil along with Green Acres. A big night for adults but not for a starved science fiction lad such as myself.

Then, Wednesday Sept. 15, 1965 at 6:30PM on CBS changed all that.

Snicker now, but on that night there were no Green Women, no talking vegetables' yet; unaware of insults and platitudes of the legendary Dr. Smith. No, that night it was serious sci-fi and a promise of excitement, adventure and of innocents retained. It was LOST IN SPACE and it was right there on our black and white TV, all for me to enjoy and dream about and in my heart believe that it was real. At least it was real for that hour; every Wednesday night for me to sit and absorb and dream. It was a wonderful time still for a 10 year old in Picayune Mississippi. It was my life.

The value of just one more day

2010-09-10T14:10:00.004-07:00

{an e-mail sent to my support group this day}

Hello Everyone,

What a wonderful time I had at our monthly meeting the other night. Thank you all for the warm hugs and hardy handshakes. The smiles and questions of concern.

I have a story to relate:

This morning my oldest granddaughter came running into the house tears flowing and words struggling to be released from her mouth. Her usual smile and happy nature had been offset by something terrible.

Of course, the first thing I did was hold open wide my arms and bend down to hold her as safely and as warmly as I could deliver. Her beautiful red curls were all in dishevel madness' and her normally radiant face was ashen of some miserable, unbearable condition no one could ever, ever make better.

'Honey; what in the world is wrong?' is all I could manage to offer after the holding and gentle swaying back and forth of her little frame was at an end. As I held her away and attempted eye contact, 'It will be OK; I promise you.' was given as an enticement for information on what was the cause.

Stuttering from an over abundance of emotion and blocked by a fit of coughs , 'I.... Grandpa... I.. love you so.....much', came out of her mouth but was not to abate her tears.

After another application of the hugs and reinforcements that only a grandpa can provide to a tender granddaughter, I finally got her to calm down, breathe and tell me what the cause of the torment that had come into her life was.

Mustering courage and strength from way deep inside, she began 'It was so important to me; it was the most important thing you had ever given me. Grand pa, the book of stories you gave me, the wonderful tales of princesses and baby deer and little wooden boys ate by the whale; that one' I could see the tears forming and the breathing becoming lost to the sorrow in her mind; ' I lost....I lost it....I'm so sorry, it must have cost a million dollars Grand pa; I lost the book' followed by an open spigot of tears and sobs.

Relief finally in my mind, it was a lost book and nothing of what could have been which had been bombarding my mind. I fought the urge to laugh at the release of my own emotions of the what if variety, but caught myself to not offer a disparaging adults view of what constituted the end of the world to such a beautiful child. I applied one more hug and finally managed to get my old bone into such a position that I could take a seat on the floor and meet her gaze on an equal plane.

'Oh sweet heart, trust me, it will be OK. We can always get another one for you.'

'But grand pa, mom has told me it was worth a be jillion dollars and I was to never let harm come to it. She's going to kill me.'

Then she asked a question which gave me pause and forced me to give an honest accounting. Fighting back tears and rapid breaths, 'Have you had something you owned and thought it couldn't be replaced if you lost it?'

Holding her back from me at arms length and giving myself a few seconds of time I offered her the most honest answer I could; 'Yes, yes I have and I know exactly how you feel.' To which she gave me a look of anticipation and an oblivious desire for me to continue and tell her what it was.

'Sweetheart, you know how grand pa is sick right? and how I always have to have the Doctors do test on him?'

'Yes'

'Well, just this morning I got the results of my latest test.'

'How can that be the most important thing in the world to you grand pa? You have test all the time'

'I know I do baby, but just this morning, the doctors called and told me the results of my latest test. The cancer I have, you know, what makes grand pa sick sometimes?, the cancer, well, there is no sign of it anymore.'

I could tell by the squinted eye brows and look of questions not yet formed fully, she asked 'why is that worth a be jillion dollars?'

I smiled and held her tight and now found that I had to force back my tears and my loss of breath.

'Because my dear; it means that I get to spend more days with you, more time to watch you grow and I get the joy and happiness of just being with you.'

This time, we both held each other and then laughed with each other as only grand pa's and granddaughters can. Somehow, the lost book was forgotten and the death penalty sure to be imposed by mom had been pardoned.

No, this didn't occur anywhere other than in my mind. Well, except the call I did receive this morning and I now wish to share. I had the Pet Scan and guess what? My lungs, my throat, my whole body is clear. Oh thank God, once again; at least for right now, for a little bit of time, I am cancer free. I have yet a few more days to watch my grand children grow. I hope you pardon my little made up want and desire to be with my granddaughter. It was an honest desire of my mind expressed to you as the best way to convey my happiness and for me to make something so insignificant given the horrors in the world today, a matter of enjoyment for you to ponder.

Never take one moment for granted and never ever underestimate the value of a be jillion dollars to a little curly haired girl who now owns my heart.

I hope my good news finds you all well, whole and with good news as well. I am blessed and never think for one second, I don't know it.

Be strong my friends, as Cancer truly Sucks....

Update delivered to my Support Group last night.

2010-09-08T06:56:00.001-07:00

I was thrilled to have Mindy read this to the group last night:

Hello Everyone,

I wish to tell everyone how happy I am to be here. I am blessed to be in your presence and I get so much love and encouragement from all of you.

I am OK for the most part. I get older each day and I count that as a gift from God.

I wish to let you all now that I have been so frustrated lately, frustrated to the point of tears. Insurance and Insurance Companies had become the Antichrist to me. I had become angry and worst, I was unashamed to let the world know it. Just as I was about to cave in, the other night, I got on my knees and just gave it all up to my God. Well, guess what? He took it! The next day, one of the last irritants (read as a deigned claim) was worked out. The next day, the new fangled insurance do-hickey of a company sent me a letter stating that my Pet Scan was approved. Now, it's not a perfect world, however, it is now better, thanks to the blessings which I choose to give credit to all of you and to my personal relationship with God. Thank you all for the good thoughts and the prayers. I still expect aggravation but I have found a solution; I have decided to accept Insurance Companies for what they are.... and I offer these sage words of wisdom which are not my own:

Do not try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Mom is doing better but will be in Villa Campana for another week or so. I would be lying to say I have not taken advantage of her being in the care of others. I have gotten so much done, but you know what; even though I see her every single day, I miss her so much.

I must say that all of us; you, me; all of us are important. You matter; we matter. Wake up every day and give thanks. Lord knows I do.

Thank you all for being my friends and I love you all so much.

Lunch on a Sky Island

2010-09-06T08:01:00.001-07:00

Finally, I know some of you are saying; this series of post come to an end and indeed it does.

It was time to leave and head home, however, I was getting hungry and was thinking, well, I can’t eat at one of the wonderful restaurants to be found along the Salsa Trail, so where?

Of course, it was right in front of me. Why not at say … oh 6000 feet or higher. I really did not want to go to the top of Mt. Graham, but lunch about half way up or so sounded just wonderful.

Stop at the old sign.

Running waters allow for a moment to pause and give thanks to God for life, food, my children and grandchildren.

What a wonderful view to have a can of vanilla. While breaking of bread is not the same for me as it is for you, it is still a moment to just pause and look around at the world. To renew the body and have strength to go forward.

Time to head down and go home.

I want to leave you with this sight. A very common sight in this part of the world. Not exciting but somehow pertinent and spiritual to me none the less. I have for years carried a picture of my day taken in a place much like this. He always said that these little yellow flowers were a gift. I understand now, they are right there, almost every day. They are there to be a gift to our eyes.

Time to say goodbye. And so I did.

Thank you for taking the trip with me. I had fun and I was moved.

Coffee on Main Street

2010-09-05T16:17:00.002-07:00

To be honest, while I lived there, I never really appreciated the rich history of the city of Safford. All the locals were always saying how special the town was. Not that it is a ‘vortex’ sight like Sedona, but just a pure oh spit of a town that oozes Americana like a Norman Rockwell painting blown up into a life size ‘sandbox’ for those who live there to enjoy.

I did not take the time to go to every place of interest, I may at some later date, but I simply took the time to enjoy my surroundings and, have a lazy sunny morning cup of coffee and watch a little bit of time float by my eyes and ears and nose and my tongue. Coffee is really about the only thing I can enjoy in public, food wise, and enjoy it I did.

I hope you enjoy this slice of the Arizona South West that while it has changes, still hangs on to the past as a coat of many colors.

Just one of the many old homes that I would sometimes pass. The town is full of them.

This is what $44,606.41 would buy you in 1916. The Graham County Courthouse is a neo-colonial brick building with Tuscan columns.

Yes, that’s one of the many street lights you will see all along Main Street. They are beautiful when lit; to be honest, I am unsure if they work today, but I recall them as being just amazing on a cool winters evening back in the day when the city still celebrated the birth of Christ.

Yes, It is Main St.

There it is. On the West end looking East.

See, all those lights. All along the street.

That’s the Safford City Hall. Built in 1898 at a cost of $5,400.00, it was the original High School. No, not the one I went too. It was remodeled in the 40’s and became the City Hall after Safford was incorporated in 1901.

I told you I was up and on the road early. 8:23AM and I am downtown already and looking for a cup of coffee, my thermos was dry already.

Are you kidding me? A town square with a town clock. Man, I so miss the pace of this little spot on earth.

The North side.

From the East end looking back to the West. That’s the Court House at the end in the distance.

Where I learned to love salsa!

While Pollock’s is not on main street, but is on the Hwy., I wanted to take a picture of it as it is often mentioned amongst my FB friends from high school.

and……… one more stop today. I went to Thatcher to see if my old church was still there. It was an old store front church that was originally a hardware store. No luck; it was long gone, however I did go by what it became and I believe the old members would be fairly proud of what occurred over the years.

Well, there is your trip down Main Street. I know it’s not a colorful as Main Street USA in Disneyland; but in another way… it may, just may be better in certain ways.

{a trip up the mountain tomorrow}

When reality became nothing more than a memory.

2010-09-04T08:56:00.001-07:00

Yes, I had read the Wikipedia page for Safford High School. I knew in my mind that the beautiful old buildings which had been built in 1915 had been reduced to mere memories in 1980. Just seven years after I had been there. I knew, but somehow, I just figured it was nothing but a myth. After all, Wikipedia; you shouldn’t believe most anything you read on the internet right?

Well, it’s gone. Almost every real physical evidence that it had ever been there. It’s all the ‘NEW’ middle school now. As I slowly drove past, I was saddened and felt somehow part of my youth, my development, my very history had been whipped clean by some horrible dark force from somewhere in the universe. There had been no superheroes' to stay the destruction.

It wasn’t as if the new buildings were ugly. It was that they were simply not as pretty; not as majestic or stately as the halls, rooms, offices, lockers, the very smells and sounds which echoed back and will be forever the only proof that it ever was there.

Then, out of the corner of my eye; I caught a glimpse of something tangible. The archaeologist of my past leaped into my throat and I saw two little spots of remembered vision which gave proof to my mind. I really had been there, amongst the real of that day and they cried out to my ears, my eyes, my heart and put it somewhat to rest. Not all was memory.

Believe it, this is the lunchroom. Oh my, the lunch lady had truly haunted me. She had been there and every day, it had been excitement as to BBQ with hard as nails green beans. There were really good tacos and equality bad meat loaf. Milk, tea, water and some juice. If there was soda, I do not recall. It was always loud and green pea fights were non miss social events for the ages. In my day, you couldn’t leave campus until your senior year. I did leave, not really to go somewhere to eat but to do the things that seniors did in my day. Most of the time, if I ate, I ate right here. I was a little happy.

While the old two story, wonderfully loud gym was gone; the very gym where I played as the ‘Pistol” and did things with a round ball that amazed opponents, teammates and fans alike. There was some really cool things that took place on that floor both in practice and in games. All that is just in my mind now. But, then there there was the grass.

The field of honor I had played on, shed blood on and broken my nose on. My oh my, I still see those stands full of proud parents, excited students and staff and with just small town Friday night football fans who were being entertained in a manner only high school athletics can provide. Some games, people jammed the stands and surrounded the field. Camera flash and hamburgers with peppers, spilt soda and stolen kisses. It really had happened to me. It really had happened to me and it happened right here.

Most of the buildings were gone, but the aliens who came and destroyed, had not the ability to wipe clean my reality that was now just a memory. I think I hated it then, but now; oh Lord, I miss it so.

Tomorrow, I go downtown Safford.

down the road and into town

2010-09-03T07:59:00.013-07:00

It takes a while to make your way up to Safford. I was surprised by the road construction and improvements to the road which use to be Hwy. 666; no fooling, we called it the 'Godless Way' when I was growing up there.

What use to be a drive up, down and over rolling hills, is now a super smooth and flat modern road into town. A lot safer but has lost (like much of America's roadways) its character.

Town comes into view!

First stop literally, as you come into town from the south was my two old residences. The old trailer was gone and the duplex where I helped Mr. Trajo pour a sidewalk were nowhere to be seen. The first sign of many changes to come this day.
However, I did fine the old dirt road which was next to where we lived. This is the dirt road I would run on as, believe it or not, I was a jock and ran to stay in shape. Many mornings and evenings alone, up and down this dirt road.

Somewhere on the left side of road was a huge old tree. Sad to see it is now gone.

This picture is merely a memory. As I ran all those times, there was a house on the hill. I would often look up there and think about where I would someday live. Well, it was in no home like it was, but I dreamed. That house is still up there on the hill.

The year was 1970, I was new to the town and in the 10th grade. No car yet. That meant you rode the bus until you felt comfortable enough to walk with a as yet unmade friend and you rode the bus. It was here, that I would stand and wait. Usually with a book in hand. I remember a few Doc Savages and Hubert's DUNE and indeed, a mostly unknown Phillip K. Dick and his Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, were partially read right here along this stretch of the 'Godless Hwy'. So long ago, and thankfully, I soon made friends and eventually got a car.

Yes, the water ditch was there along side a field. That sign is new. There are some memories right there. Cool mornings waiting for that stupid bus.

After that school year, Dad moved into Tucson but that did not pan out and we moved back to Safford for my Junior and Senior years of High School. This is the apartments we lived in. The last unit on the right. Really exciting right. I knew no better, all my life I have lived in either trailers or apartments. The first home I ever lived in was as an adult and was married. However, for 1972 and 1973; this was home sweet home.

You have to love the trash can and old stove on the roadside action here. Sorry, couldn't resist.

OK, come back tomorrow if interested.

Can you stand thrills?

2010-09-02T07:09:00.007-07:00

It was to have been an album title(my age is reveled in that statement).

I am not sure when and where, but along I-10 from New Mexico/Texas border all the way to Picacho Peak north of Tucson; they sprang up on the roadside almost as plentiful and those yellow desert flowers seen all over. I remember in all of our family travels as I grew up, these wonderful tourist traps nee restaurants nee gift shops nee gas stations were a timely stop along the road for not only gas but usually a much needed stretching of the legs and usually a 'talk to a man about a dog'. Stuckey's comes to mind and with every visit my mom ALWAYS got a box of pecan brittle.

For some reason which I can not put my finger on, these little oasis on the roadside have become ablaze in my nostalgic reckoning like a classical pop art memory of certain paintings that never leave the minds eye. They radiate without neon and tend to proclaim 'OPEN 24 Hours'. They have amazing menu's of food never tasted, ice cream so yummy on a hot parched dessert trail with no end.

Stalls of little rocks with black fake satin bags to place them. Leather coats probably made by child or slave labor in some hapless country. Moccasins which you would be embarrassed to be seen in. Salt and pepper shakers in the form of anything you could imagine. Apple cider and bull whips to hang on the wall with rugs of Elvis and those dogs. Belt buckles and letter openers; the list is endless.

There is one such place on our journey today. It announces itself for miles with signs both East and West. In big huge black lettering in a font from a 1950's Drive In horror movie trailer....THE THING! One such yellow billboard long since gone asked without hesitation, Can You Stand Thrills?

I was happy to see, after all these years that the price of admission was still the same. In 1973 and as of this week; you can still be enraptured foe a mere $1.00USD. For a child, only .75 cents. I was blown away until I remembered that it probably was over priced still. Yes, I have plopped down the shekel to take the long walk. I was, ahhhh, hummm, well, I was, how does one say.... wtf? underwhelmed, LMAO pleased that it was not a lot to pay! Ahh, I jest; like most everything in life, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, well, you get the picture. If you do decide to see The Thing, be prepared to laugh with yourself.

I stopped, to pay homage to the trips of my youth, to look at things to purchase, to attempt a soft ice cream in a cup (I managed 2 or 3 spoon fulls), talk to a man about a dog and yes, I bought one of those long sleeve colorful wool style w/hood pullovers from Mexico for $5.39 USD. A bargain! Right?

As to the album, a friend and I from High School were into music and reading The Rolling Stone magazine in our striving to be somewhere other than where we were; saw the sign on a trip and laughed in unison and said out loud at the same instance; The Thing! Can you stand thrills?...what a great album title. Smiling for miles, we spoke of music and of the tensions in our little world of 1973. It was a magical time and it's too bad I blinked.

Next time, a turn North on U.S. Route 191 and a city comes into view.

and I went back to a nostalgist mind

2010-09-01T07:24:00.010-07:00

I had been thinking about going back to the town I went to high school in for a while now. Probally as a result of finding so many friends from high school on 'FB'. I had made a quick trip through Safford once in the early nineties but the real purpose that time was a camping trip on Mt. Graham. I had passed quickly and just had time to simply go down Main Street then it was out of town and back on the road.

I will admit that I took advantage of my mother being in Villa Capana convalescing from her fall; I packed some formula, my camera and down I-10 east bound I found myself. This is the first of several post regarding my trip and some of my thoughts along the road.

It had been so long that I had been out of town on anything other that medical related trips. Let me tell you; trips to Scottsdale and the Mayo Clinic for procedures, test and operations is just no vacation. Any way, packed and on the rode before the earth rotated and gave view of the morning sun, I was excitedly driving down the road for nothing more that the pleasure of doing so.

Pardon my proclamation of faith; but no where is there a louder statement of Gods presence than in the 'rising' of the sun!

Going east from Tucson, one flies by Benson and comes to a wonderful rock outcropping along the road called Texas Canyon. I remembered trips from my youth, way back in the 60's in the truck sitting next to my father moving to Tucson. We stopped here and dad told me the next stop would be Tucson.

I also recall a stop there the day Apollo 11 landed on the moon. I was in such a hurry to get into Tucson, so I could see the moon walk. (We did in fact make it in to and I watched Neil Armstrong's first steps while I was in a pool. But that's another story.)

No matter going East or West, there is something reassuring about those rocks along the road.

I get such a kick out of this sign; nothing says Welcome to Arizona like this reminder:

Well, a stretch of the legs and a quick downing of a can of vanilla, time to hit the road and head to our next stop.......... THE THING!

For my FPS gamer friends

2010-08-30T08:28:00.002-07:00

Yet again, very soon, there will be an assault on game stores around the world. I have to admit that at some point I will indulge...just time is prodigious in its absence for me right now. I would thing my sons will indulge.
It will be interesting to see where this installment stacks up in the franchise and; how long this cash cow will sustain itself. (?)

the Hovel is this many, today!

2010-08-24T13:55:00.001-07:00

My very first blog post is here.

It quickly turned to being an open letter to my grandchildren. One big long this is who I am, this is what is on my mind, this is important to me; this is just of interest; here is what I told others about me and hello, I love you; all in one place for them to get a chance to know me. That’s why there really isn’t a single theme or linear approach to this blog. There isn’t one.

When one gets holder; being know becomes an important thought with respect to one’s on grandchildren.

As I sit here and write this, my mother, your great grand mother fell a few weeks ago and hurt herself. She is being transferred from Villa Campana where she has been recovering and will shortly be placed into a permanent care home. I am unsettled in this; however, I just can no longer extend to her the care and attention she requires. These past several years have taken their toll own both her and me. I want to tell you that I am tired, but I continue, as best I can to honor my mother and father.

Seems like life never takes a break and keeps coming in all its fury. Oh well, with God’s grace, I will endure. Remember, if it does not kill you; it can only make you stronger.

As you (any visitor) go through any post here, know that you are most welcomed. I have meet some amazingly wonderful people via this blog and the internet. You are encouraged to drop me a note, leave a comment and what I most hope for; that you find encouragement to live each and every day to the best of your ability. Just remember, you are opening and envelope and taking out a letter from me to my grandchildren. It’s OK, you are welcome to read along and hopefully enjoy the journey. I pray each and every day they will. I never grow tired of telling them that I love them. I just hope they remember that I was here, that I tried really hard and I want nothing but their happiness.

God Bless you guys. I really enjoy talking to each one of you.

If I could I would.

2010-08-20T10:31:00.002-07:00

Thanks to one of my favorite feeds: awesome spaces comes this wonderful space. For some reason I felt compelled to share this. That doorway is just stunning and the light is marvelous. Something tells me that a cup of coffee outside on that patio would be a heavenly experience.

Man shall not live by pancake alone!

2010-08-07T14:33:00.001-07:00

You may find this disgusting, however from my standpoint, which is one that does not consume in the normal fashion as most people; I am of interest in this. Scoff at me if you want for I consume via a tube and I imagine you do not. File under YET another reason I love Tokyo!

the info is here

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

2010-08-05T06:50:00.001-07:00

      One of the most inspirational and uplifting secular books I have ever read. I was amazed and humbled by my conflicts in life as compared to Bauby's resolve to merely pass time and retain some humanity.
      At times I cried, even wept; at times I cheered and yelled in support. With every word, sentence, paragraph I keep this prayer on my mind...'there but by the grace of God.'
     I have a daily struggle against cancer and I have been brought to my knees by the fight with a fellow human being and their sheer will to have the simplest of decorum and happiness. I was inspired and yet ashamed by my own weakness to ever have had any audacity to have ever felt sorry for myself.
     If you are looking for inspiration,have the courage to read this account of a life most extraordinary. This book moves to the top of my recommendation list.

find it here and at other places

Denial est non a flumen in Egypt!

2010-08-04T07:04:00.001-07:00

The following was delivered to my support group last night and read by Mindy.

Hello everyone,

I hate to be not as positive as I normally strive to be, but as the poet of old said... I think I have outlived my insurance companies desire to provide coverage for me any longer.

Years ago in a different life I worked and toiled and I paid my bills and I tried to put a little away for a rainy day. I strove to take care of myself and when I could I even tried to help others. I miss those day.

Several weeks ago now, the latest games started again. Attempts at discouragement and coverage denial puzzles laced with language worthy of a Harvard Law Degree or at the least; a tomb designer in ancient Egypt, began to occur again and again.

What has been most amusing is the rapid coverage acceptance / coverage denial flip flop letters which cross in the mail and are down right rude in nature. It's like in the Weimar Republic when the workers was paid every two hours to keep up with the continued escalation of prices. Only with me, it is keeping up with the denial of coverage.

As of this evening, I have had to cancel 3 doctors follow up appointments, one Petscan and any attempt to feel comfortable about my current status as a citizen in this country. There is also continued unpaid bills which were for service authorized by them.

Yes, I jest; however I am frustrated and I fear that my providers are committing murder by denial and I am their target for improving the bottom line.

As the old British general said in his thick accent, 'There is no tanks in War!"

I confess that I am now a non-producer and I do suckle from the troth of kindness from the good people of this great nation. I struggle with this fact every day. I am part ashamed and part confused. However, I tried to do the best I could when I could do it. I am tired and the insurance companies continue to trifle with my care.

Well, as I have stated before, my goal in life is to live one day longer than my mother. I hope she lives forever, that way I will bankrupt them by the sheer volume of stamps they have to use on all those confusing letters of denial.

Please forgive my ramblings. I love you all and I get strength and nourishment from knowing each and every one of you. You are my friends, my loved ones, my support group and I acknowledge you all as fellow human beings.

On thoughts about Tucson

2010-08-03T10:15:00.002-07:00

There is no patina upon my city. Nothing to surround it and protect it. Most old cities enjoy a certain shine, a glossy layer of existing families and historical stoops which exist to protect, to cleanse and to share in an appropriate way. They do the dirty work in the open light of everyday tourist who neither have the time nor the inclination to delve below the surface they are provided by these protectors, these saints of all things destined to be considered the truth.

My city doesn't have any such service, any such museum staffed by educated and trained professionals who have an ever looking eye towards those dirty little secrets. I suppose we have a few, mostly superficial and in various stages of support or validly. Those secrets that are the dirt in the mud on a rainy day at the bottom of the dingiest alley go unprotected or remembered. My city has long been exposed to the harshness of an overbearing sunlight that decays the strongest structure, the best paved streets and the strongest of individuals. There are no societies willing to take broom and pan to dust, no historical guidance to ease and learn from the mistakes of the past.

Oh, we have our share of strong towers headed into the sky. We have beautiful mansions and hovels barely more than a cardboard box. We have a river without water but bridges which span them, often unconsidered by the most inquisitive of commuters or pilgrims from afar. We have trees for parks, though mostly dead or dying, you see, our grass is brown.

We have been here for thousands of years, with nothing to show. That's because its all blown away or laying in piles of dust pounded by wind and baked in the oven of time. This is my city, there is beauty in its decay and honor in its hardness to accept. This is my city; the city with no patina.

a world building exercise offered as mealy amusement.

-----------

Edit Note: Upon a review by a reader, who I agreed with totally and confess laziness to choosing the word ugliness. I strike that and substitute and insert 'decay'. Thanks for pointing out my error.

Every day I feed the birds

2010-07-29T11:01:00.002-07:00

sent this morning to my support group

Hello everyone,

As always I trust and pray you are both well and whole. I attempt each day to offer each and every one of you a thought and a prayer and implore the Lord for your health and well being.

One of the most striking things in my current life as a person with disease is how reliable I have become on menial tasks and there importance to me. For me, my day is filled with little easy to marginalize task for my mother. Then the little things to keep our house in a somewhat fit and running order. Every once in awhile, I get involved with what I refer to as playing the game. Yes, I have to battle with all my might against the barbarian at my gate known as insurance. Never has one man paid so much and realized so little in response. I will drop it there as my continued fight for health care payment is not the purpose of my correspondence with you today.

I am sure that most of you, like me, live in a noisy world. Not necessarily the volume but the sheer amount of noise (defined by me at this point as distractions to) our need to just think about things. There are radios, TVs, computers, iPods and iPad, gaming systems, the phone, the laundry, working on the car, on and on; all with a noise level all their own. I sometimes would offer all the stars in heaven for a mere moment of silence.

I have a new found appreciation for the importance of the menial, everyday tasks in our lives, and how they provide wonderful opportunities to let our minds loose to roam, explore, and process.

Don't confuse this with a time of prayer and inward examination. I'm speaking about eliminating the background in the everyday. I ask that you think about creating silence. While our hands are busy, take the distraction in the background and eliminate it. You can do the dishes (well, ok, load the dishwasher) without the radio on every now and then. If you have a dog, take it for a walk without the iPod plugged into your ear. Every so often, fold the laundry without the TV blaring at you. These are times we can enter with no expectation other than having no expectation. We all have treasures waiting to be found in the silence.

In the book The Quotidian Mysteries by Kathleen Norris, she encourages us to treasure rare moments of solitude and silence and to avoid distracting ourselves with television and the like. The menial tasks of life, she says, can be "islands of holiness" in an otherwise chaotic and noisy life. This has been hard for me to get used to. I'm constantly downloading podcasts from iTunes and listening while I go about the task before me. I have the TV blaring while I putter around the house while I straighten. But I'm trying to open up some of these times to the silence.

As someone with cancer I find these times increasingly important. I need this time to create, to solve to clarify my position on matters dealing not only my health but regarding the multiple inputs on just how to obtain that health. On what is important for my family; on me.

I would ask that you maybe look at your daily 'quotidian' task in a new respect. Not as something that must be done in the quickest and most mind numbing way possible. Not as an excuse to multitask ad nauseam, but as a gift from God, a time to allow the silence and discover its treasures.
What will you find there?

This morning as I was feeding the birds I pondered this letter to you and wrote this:

Every day I feed the birds

My morning schedule isn't much.

I read and pray for things I must.

My charge of Love wakes up and thus.

After grace I feed her, to keep her trust.

Because I intake so small

the birds await for their turn to devour.

I get done and out the door, with water and seed their life to live.

When the bath is full, I spread my toil.

I pray that God will see and grace.

They are only birds of the wild.

They make me happy, they repay with a smile.

I desire that each and every one finds and accepts the strength to fight in every way that is right and just and possible.

I look forward to seeing you yet again this coming meeting or hearing from you anytime via e-mail.

Be strong my friends as Cancer sucks.

A World on the Move

2010-07-24T09:53:00.002-07:00

I wanted to share with you what has become ‘one’ of my favorite postcards from the park. This is how Tomorrowland should look. Everything in motion. Moving. Going from somewhere to somewhere. Never really stopping. I am not afraid to admit, even if the journey only took place in my mind, on each and every adventure I every set out upon from any conveyance seen here; it was most magical and gave me an abundance of pleasure.

There is the Skyway, the only attraction which took it’s passengers to truly other ‘Lands’ and allowing for the most dramatic of views while doing so. The ‘grays’; the true fleet ready to take you under the seas. The PeopleMover, that always made me feel like one of the Jetsons. And, the Monorail. Nothing ever said this is what the world should be like as the Monorail.

There was just such an hectic energy in this Tommorowland; a promise that the world would be OK for everyone and it would always be prosperous and always looking for a bigger, bolder, faster and yes, safer way of life.

If only it were true!

from the SDCC, yesterday…

2010-07-23T09:11:00.001-07:00

an updated and new RED trailer. Thanks Warren!

Happy Birthday Disneyland

2010-07-17T08:00:00.001-07:00

I am not sure it is possible to capture the true scope and meaning of what occurred 55 years ago today? Maybe Walt knew, I am sure he hoped; but anyone else? Those who's talents were tapped, those who had toiled for the past year and a day in the dirt, the staff; any of them? Did they really have a clue what this dream was about?

All those years ago there was a 100 acre parking lot which cost a quarter for the day and a ticket at the gate cost you a dollar for an adult and 50 cents for a child. Water fountains were few and far between due to a plumbers strike and the pavement wasn't cured and dry. It was hot. The river boat Mark Twain almost flooded because it was unsure what the load capacity was. Doh!

It is so much to so many. It was a testament to the 'Showman of the World', it is a source of enjoyment to the child in almost all who visit. Even on a hot and crowed day. It is forced prospective to anyone who enters. It is a dispensation of belief to all. The thrill of new paint, the assurance of cleanliness where cleanliness is of most importance, it is the smell of popcorn and it is the tears of a lost balloon fading from your child's sight, high in the air riding the wind. It's all that and more.

It is where cartoon characters live and where candy is made. It is a reason to smile. It is the happiest place on earth after all. There are detractors; but they are few. There are dying children whose lives are made whole by a visit; if just for the day.

This is a 1954 publicity picture of Walt for the TV series Disneyland from my collection. It was this TV show which provided (some) of the money to build the park.

What was where fifty five years ago:

Main Street USA:

Disneyland Fire Department - horse drawn and chemical equipment

Disneyland Street Railway - 4 horse drawn cars

Horse drawn station wagon (4)

Main Street Cinema - with 6 performances of silent movies, accompanied by pianist

Disney Penny Arcade

Shooting Gallery

Arcade Machines

Santé Fe & Disneyland passenger train and its six cars

Adventureland:

Explorer's boat ride - 7 boats

Frontierland:

Conestoga Wagons, Buggies, Buckboards and Surreys

Davy Crockett museum-theatre

Golden Horseshoe

Mark Twain river boat (turned out that the capacity was around 300 people)

Pack Mules - 2 packs, 1 lead horse and 9 mules in each group

Disneyland Stage Lines - 3 stages with 4 hitch

Fantasyland:

Canal Boats of the World - 8 boats

Casey Jr. Train Ride - 2 trains

Dumbo Aerial Ride - 10 Dumbo's

King Arthur Carrousel - 72 horses

Mad Tea Party - 8 cups

Mickey Mouse Theatre - seats 400

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride - 8 cars

Peter Pan Ride - 7 galleons

Snow White Ride - 8 cars

Tomorrowland:

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea - Exhibit

Autopia Freeway - 32 cars, 1 special Disneyland car, 4 police cars and 3 extra cars

Space Station X-1

Speed Boat Ride - 14 boats

TWA's Rocket Ride to the Moon - (Diana/Luna) accommodating 104 passengers each

Walt dedicating the park on this day in 1955 from my collection.

Dedication Plaque (unknown source)

Early 55’ aerial of Fantasy and Tomorrowland from my collection.Note what was referred to as either Snow or Holiday Mountain above the Castle which was dirt that had been dug from various parts of the park. Later to become location of the Matterhorn.

RED poster

2010-07-12T11:51:00.001-07:00

The Extraordinary Adventures of Adele Blanc-Sec

2010-07-06T08:48:00.001-07:00

For the steam punk in me come this morsel of tasty wonderment. Oh, this looks so good. I am convinced I was born out of time. Are you kidding? Egypt, flying dinosaurs and corsets… oh man, winner winner.

Happy Birthday! ; everyone.

2010-07-04T07:09:00.001-07:00

Happy and safe 4th to everyone. Today I wish to introduce you to Victoriana magazine with some really cool Recipes for an Old-Fashioned Picnic. Hopefully, as you enjoy the freedoms you have today, pause a second and remember from whence they came.

There are some real goodies here, enjoy.

From Baked Lobster to Mock Mince Tarts even some Raspberry Vinegar Beverage; I hope your basket is full this day. Make sure you click the link at the bottom of the page for more recipes.

ALSO, I know you may disagree with my viewpoint, but I also offer you

Beck's Look at Our Famous - and Forgotten - Founding Fathers

Please take some time and maybe learn a fact or two.

Green Grass

2010-06-27T07:57:00.001-07:00

I just recently came across this song and video. I have been playing it over and over and and I am amazed by the flood of emotions it opens. Cibelle has a voice that tears into my soul and plays with old hurt feelings as if they were putty in her vocal fingers.

While see does not possess the sheer power of Free Dominguez; she does have the ability to plunder and to be happy kneading with the long dead feelings of a much younger man.

Enjoy

RED

2010-06-24T07:09:00.001-07:00

From my favorite author to the big screen comes Warren Ellis’s RED. Lots of big name stars in this one.

Warren posted some notes and thoughts on his ‘words’ coming to the big screen.

An, then it was done.

2010-06-23T09:02:00.001-07:00

Sent this morning to my support group.

Hello everyone,

I hope and trust that this e-mail finds you all healthy and happy. I know that in these days of uncertainty it is hard to be of much good cheer; however, it is better than the alternative, which is merely to accept the tempest which assails us constantly. Try, as best you can, greet each day with chipper and robust glee. If you have to force it, then so be it; I have too from time to time, but do so because life is all we have. Stuff is just stuff. Your soul is forever. You are the only one which is you, there is no other just like you, amongst all of us. How special you are!

I am so happy to let you all know that this past week, I had my latest round of radiation and I am wanting to thank all of you for your prayers and good wishes. God truly blessed me by giving me an option that was most tolerable. Radiation is never fun, do not get me wrong; however, compared to my throat treatment(s); (knocking on wood here); the lung shots were a walk in the park.

"Thank you Lord."

That said, it is still unnatural to be confined and embedded on a table with a multi-million dollar machine {I'm guessing, may be more like hundreds of thousands of dollars} moving around you and killing a part of your insides. All be it a black lascivious death shroud of cells; they still are residing within my body and that is somewhat just downright not a good thing. But hay, there are so many, many worst things in this life one could endure.

Now comes the waiting. I guess the real proof is in the PET Scan which will be coming later. That is always a yucccccky; I have to say it; an insurance issue. Might be in October or with luck, possibly September. Just have to wait and see. Seems like I spend an abnormal aspect of my life waiting for and dreading a PET Scan. Note to self: eliminate this wasted part of my life and replace it with oh, a thick T-bone steak with all the..... darn it, if only I could eat. Maybe a good book or time with my grand kids. That works!

So far, I must tell you all that cancer in the lung is so much easier to manage and endure than cancer in the throat. I am not saying that in the face of anything bad happening to a boastful fooling individual; I'm just saying. Never ask the Lord to humble you, for he will!

I am good, I am well and I am still looking forward to dying as a much older man than I am now. This shall occur by the grace of God and with the friendship, love and inspirations of each and every one of you. Thank each of you for not only the mail I receive from so many of you, but also, for the mere well wished thoughts of so many more. I love and appreciate each and every one of you and please know that you are all in my prayers offered to my God and belief.

Be strong... we have to be, because Cancer Sucks.

Comic books

2010-06-22T09:21:00.001-07:00

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Seldom seen

2010-06-22T09:19:00.001-07:00

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Little by little the future comes screaming in silence.

2010-06-11T07:29:00.001-07:00

Unless you really have been digging, you probably missed this little aspect of the future brought to us by The Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency (Jaxa):

Japanese scientists are celebrating the successful deployment of their solar sail, Ikaros.

What was a one time matter of conjecture for discussions in science fiction; now, we have finally caught up with what should have been and now have solar sails out there.

This is an exciting time to look beyond the ho hum and everyday boredom of reality TV; note to my grand kids…..please, read a book, take the time to close your eyes and see your tomorrow. Do not squalor your ‘science fiction’ dreams. Live, learn and participate in any way you can in making what you dream into what you do.

Now, I shall go and think of a space elevator.

Miniatur Wunderland Hamburg

2010-06-10T07:14:00.001-07:00

For my first Christmas, my father got me a wonderful electric miniature scale train set. It is currently in it’s original box under my bead. My dad laid out a simple oblong track on a large sheet of plywood. Many times he told me of that Christmas eve night and then morning with my uncle and him getting much more fun out of it that I ever would. Somehow, I don’t think they ever dreamed of anything like this.

If you ever find yourself in Hamburg, I would imagine this would be a worth while stop.

Plug*

2010-06-02T08:31:00.003-07:00

As most of you know; I am a big fan of Warren Ellis. It is time again to endorse one of his many projects and maybe convert a few new fans.

If you are in need of some amazing online reading and visual stimulation, my I recommend you to FreakAngels which is located here. It is free and updated every Friday morning.

If you are unfamiliar with Warren Ellis, a simple Google search will remedy that: just don’t confuse him with the musician. He is the writer.

He has a staggering amount of material out there and if you need to find some really good places to begin I would suggest ‘Ocean’ or ‘Orbiter’; which are really excellent stand alone graphic works. Ocean is my personal favorite work by him and I highly recommend it to anyone. If you're in the mood for some good collected series I would point you to ‘Plantary’ or his masterpiece (IMHO) ‘Transmetropolitan’.

Tomorrow sees the release of Vol. Four of the FreakAngles:

I suggest starting at the beginning as linked above.

Mr. Ellis current line of material can be found at Avatar Press. Warren also has a fiction novel available, titled Crooked Little Vein which is a rather amazing read.

He is not for everyone.! You have been warned. Some people find him highly offensive and insulting.

(see > Talk like Warren Ellis for examples) And, in his own words, never assume he is safe for your work computer. Venture into his world with your eyes and mind open; and beware, he can and does bite! LOL, yes, there be arse eels!

(you can find several past postings by me here by searching TAGS)

*Synonyms:
add one's name to, authenticate, autograph, cosign, notarize, put John Hancock on, put signature on, rubber-stamp, say amen to, sign, sign off on, sign on dotted line, subscribe, superscribe, undersign, underwrite

In Flanders Fields

2010-05-31T05:21:00.001-07:00

The GreatWar 1914-1918

by John McCrae, May 1915

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

On a day to remember the “last full measure of devotion”; at 3:00 PM, take a moment to give pause.

recovery from last night

2010-05-27T07:40:00.001-07:00

OK, I will not lie to you. Physically, I was very challenged to get through the show. I of course had a lot of mucus and saliva build up. I was tired, it’s a lot for me to be out and about and getting up and down the TCC steps was a pleasure.

The blessing for my ears was well worth the effort. Oh my, to hear that wonderful music performed by professional musicians in a big space with a good (yes, THX certified) sound system was just too much to believe. It was awesome.

This morning I drink coffee and enjoy my new cup and beanie. hehehehe, Star Wars rocks.

If I were whole, I would have been no more happier. I so enjoyed the experience.

darth

2010-05-26T18:12:00.001-07:00

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Posted via email from mageThuer's posterous

The death star

2010-05-26T18:09:00.001-07:00

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Posted via email from mageThuer's posterous

We are there

2010-05-26T17:48:00.001-07:00

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An evening for my ears:

2010-05-26T08:08:00.001-07:00

Tonight, my oldest son and I will be going to the Star Wars In Concert series, which finally visits the Old Pueblo this evening. I seldom get out for very long so I am very excited as well as apprehensive as to my energy level for this evening. The fun begins at 5:30 PM local time and we will be there. Look for updates this evening from my phone if posting works.

fyi: Tickets were 35, 55 and 75 USD, we elected to purchase the cheaper option.

my podcast schedule from the other day

2010-05-25T07:53:00.001-07:00

I love getting to podcast as I can. When I wake up in the middle of the night due to pain or just an inability to sleep, I find my iPod and listen to one of these for awhile.

Posted via email from mageThuer's posterous

Birthday Party!

2010-05-23T10:34:00.003-07:00

Yesterday was Hayden’s 3rd birthday.

There were great grand ma’s every where:

And, there were some grand ma’s as well:

(oh’ Lord! Help me.)

I was here also, this is me, I’m three.

It was exciting and I wore this cool hat.

We had pizza of course.

I likes birthday parties.

I played games and rode the horses with my dad.

I saw grand pa taking my picture.

It was a blast.

Then everyone sang ‘happy birthday’ and I got embarrassed.

and I wanted my mommy.

CAKE!

Being 3 is awesome!

Connected

2010-05-22T06:36:00.002-07:00

Sometimes there is just no explanation of how man has managed to survive as long as he/we have. Even in the face of destruction, even while grasping a fallen fellow human, even in the mist of confusion and in the haze of just merely trying to take a step; someone, somewhere will have an issue with you and for some reason will try to force their will upon you. ALWAYS BE AS HUMAIN AS YOU CAN BE; BUT PREPARE FOR TOMORROW.

There is some amazing short film work out there and this one caught my eye. There is some very interesting insight at the website. I hope you enjoy Connected:

Copyright © 2009 Jonas Drotner Mouritsen / Jens Raunkjær Christensen

for my cousin Ricky

2010-05-18T12:32:00.001-07:00

This is me with my Uncle Gaddis. I am 9 months old so that would be sometime in November of 1955. The back is stamped Fowler’s Portsmouth, Ohio; Dec 30, 1955. Mom may have not had the roll developed to after Christmas that year. In the background is some unknown body shop.

What I am unsure of is if this picture was really taken in Portsmouth or if Mom and Dad took me to Jackson then had the picture developed after they returned.

Another unknown but I feel pretty sure that the dog is ‘boots’.

{Ric, any ideas as to the location of this picture? I hope you enjoy.}

the sun cast a shadow this morning

2010-05-17T08:47:00.001-07:00

It is a lovely May morning here. I paused and looked down to see my portrait.

AC loves shadow shots and I have done a lot of them lately.

For some reason I am having thoughts of a catholic priest.

The sun on my throat eases the pain. I am so cold.