Electricity as Art

the passing of David Foster Wallace

in my running around last week attending to necessary medical sojourns; i missed the passing of David Foster Wallace. i had discovered mr. wallace via Infinite Jest as most have. i will admit that sometimes he can be rather difficult to get through and/or heaven forbid, possibly boring. however; is is engaging and captures a sense of everyday 'soil' as only few could. thanks david for your brain droppings. i for one enjoyed consuming them.

please take a few minutes to read this and if you have 30 minutes for a pure joyful ride into everyday non reality, watch the vid. it is long but you may enjoy. the back end reading about his experiences on a cruise ship are so delightfully true that i was in tears. my experience was that if you went to the 'head' {read as toilet} at night; upon return, your bed was remade.

>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwS5pEfcQNk

as to Annie Taylor and all who followed her

When I was a small boy of five or six years of age, my family lived on Long Island in New York. This would have been a very long time ago but my memory of the thoughts I had, were jarred back at me yesterday, like a huge bolt of three-phase system of alternating current power transmissions, as if thrown at me by Nikola Tesla himself.

As my dad was often know to do, we would set out on weekend trips to many interesting places where ever we lived; the subject of this particular trip being Niagara Falls. I remember being amazed at the sheer overwhelming volume of power as nature is set to amazing at that location. The falls, (all of them) are simply breath taking. During our visit, we stumbled onto an exhibit or as they would put above the door ~ a museum to the brave. The dare devil brave. There I learned of brave souls as Annie Taylor, Bobby Leach, "Smiling Jean" Lussier and many, many more.

I have to tell you all that I finished up with all the poking, prodding and other such stuff that they do to each of us. My personal favorite being the small (yeah, small my hind end) needle biopsies taken from my nodes. That, as you all know, is a pain in the neck. I got to meet my new doctor who will be setting off the atomic bomb in my neck next week. I know I sometimes say things about those who have taken the oath. Sometimes my statements are maybe colorful and cavalier. Let me be honest with you all that I have an amazing medical team and I have nothing but the most respect and yes love for all of them. They have or will have saved my life and given the most precious of all gifts, more time. OK, I am sure that I will return to my tongue in cheek self now.

Here is the nickel tour of my upcoming trip to surgery ‘la la’ land. Major hacking and slashing of the ugly black stuff on both sides on my throat, in the nodes will be done. Dr. Henni will use skin from my chest as the healing skin on the outside. There are concerns for my carotid artery as the cancer is indeed wrapping itself around that. On the other side, there is a name that I do not know of a nerve that runs to my voice box. If there is damage here, I can loose about 50 % of my voice. There is also a concern of damage resulting in ulceration into my throat, because of location. There is a minor stroke risk. Getting a feeding tube back in. There will be a general prodding, poking, moving, folding, stapling and mutating of darn near everything in my throat. Plus some other goodies and surprises I’m sure. Oh, the amount of zapping, that’s non medical talk for radiation applied directly will be about 1 ½ to 2 times the amount I had last year. Done, all at once! I have been warned that upon waking up, I will be hurting.

Now, for the really fun news. I get to come back to Tucson, see Doctor Manning and my favorite oncology nurse in the entire world for yet another month of what? You ask. Spot radiation with my face in that demandable mask bolted to that demandable table of ‘Frankenstein’ like pain. OK, I said I would be - tongue in cheek! Plus/bonus score/super wait, ‘do not order yet’ type of excitement and happy, happy / joy, joy type of warm fuzzy. There may be chemotherapy as well…… this is to be determined and pending a coming to minds between Dr. Manning and my new nuclear physicist; OKKKKKKKK radiation oncologist.

I will be at the meeting Tuesday to see all of you, but I will need to leave early as I am sure I will be requested to arrive at Medical Disneyland Scottsdale at Zero dark :30. I plan on taking my laptop up with me so I will e-mail you all as soon as I can. Heir rock star Dokotr House, oh sorry, Dr. Henni (God love and bless him) says this time the insurance is playing good so I should be in Mayo for at least a week with hoses the size coffee cans, ok an embellishment,,, medical tubes out both sides of my neck.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Now, that is enough of that. What’s this have to do with Niagara Falls you ask (?). Well, Dr. Callister gave me the following answer to some of my questions about what was going on with me. “Steve, you’re in bad shape, but your ship hasn’t gone over the falls yet.” I flashed back to that exhibit about the dare devils that rode over the falls, as a young boy and tried to figure out what was on their minds. I now know what is in my mind.

I love you all and remember to be strong.

Universal Studios Monsters

it is Universal Studios Monsters month at one of my most favorite sites on the web. Voyages Extraordinaires makes it monster month for an october/halloween look at some classics. enjoy and try not to get scared.

happy birthday

i love you so much baby. you are at the center of my thoughs and heart every day. you make me smile. i am so proud to call you my daughter.

By definition, wasted time is a ....

{this is an e-mail that i sent to my support group this morning}

I sometimes wonder, like every man and woman from the beginning of time, what is going on here?
I really thought I had a handle on life. Had a grip or maybe had a clue. I have always been both confident and purposeful. Sometimes, it was to my own detriment.
Let me be honest with you all; I have never had a handle on anything other than my own lacking. About the only thing I have truly ever gripped was my own anger. I have been close to a clue several times, but somehow managed to do nothing but take my eyes off what truth was and let it slip through my fingers. Yes, I suppose I have accomplished some things. I just have to question there value. Why the self deprivation? It's what I do!
I can't even endure my cancer correctly.
As I have felt inside. The latest and greatest revels, that the blackness has wrapped itself around and maybe into my Carotid Arteries. It is still there and continues to attack. Despite the medical opinion of others, the pictures tell the truth. Upon a question and answer period with my doctor, this is a concern for several reasons. He feels that the risk of stroke almost prevents the option for an operation. This risk was discussed with an eye towards the Stanford University option. The end result here is not a romantic novel climax by the ugliest of imaginations. I will spare you all the visual.
I go to yet a new doctor. He isn't really; I have seen him before. This time, I see him to set up chemotherapy; this Tuesday afternoon. I will pass along the nuts and bolts of this next week after I know what the plan is and the cocktail of choice will be.
I am OK really. I still see the truth of how fortunate I truly am. I have had and continue to have a blessed life. I have 4 really neat and wonderful children. I have 5 amazing grand children. I have, in my mother, the strongest woman I have had the privilege of ever knowing. (Good news with mom, her doctor found a vitamin B deficiency; using a new test. She will be getting shots and it may ((MAY)) help with her memory issues.) For those who may not know, she lives with me and I am her care taker. I have some close personal friends.. a few. AND, I have all of you wonderful people. You are more than friend and more than family. You are; and I love each of you for being!
What is this all about? When I woke up this morning I realized that I still do not know the answers. But, I do know that it is in our time, well spent. It is doing things which bring fulfilling enjoyment. It is a service to a cause higher than our own silly little problems. It is in the doing. The world and those of us in it are in need. See what you can do. Reach out in your own small part of it and do. I say this not to preach but to simply pass on what very small little bit of truth I have learned. Anything, anything one can do to help someone else makes the entire world quake with joy. It causes an eruption of goodness that will, someday, be salvation for us all. There is a dark, mean, ugly, harmful cancer on humanity. Be there for each other. Be a light. A kind word can be more powerful than an army of ill will. Do it now.
You see, one never knows what tomorrow brings. Something wicked this way comes.
By definition, wasted time is a .... a sin.
Be strong.

the copier

and you thought you had a bad day at the office?.....

the terrible old man

for those of you who like lovecraft!

rocketboom goes to the geek prom

The NASA Deep Impact Moon orbiting Earth vid