A walk in downtown Tucson this morning:

 

Chicago Store is a ‘must’ stop for any musician.

Just some random views.

Me in the emptiness

always a Church in town

Colors

Looking up

water and trees

There is beauty here, just sometimes unseen.

It still to this day evokes.

 

It was 1968 and I was 13 years old. We were visiting my Uncle in Shreveport Louisiana and the only desire I had was to see this movie. I knew it was a long movie and promised to tell a story unlike any other at that time. I remember talking mom and dad into dropping me off and into the theater I went.

There was a large cutout poster board of the ape with bone just being flung into the air. Models and dioramas of the spaceships in the movie. Funny looking red eye ball things strangely spread through out the lobby and a large black rectangle placed just as you entered the inner doors into the auditorium.  No fooling, movies where grand big events is those days.

I got a coke and a popcorn and into my seat. I began a life long journey into imagination and speculation that Saturday morning. It was to become my favorite movie until the release of Blade Runner. But on that glorious Saturday morning, the world of 2001 seems so far away and so full of excitement. It was so full of hope. I wanted so much to be apart of THAT world; that world of 2001, so long ago now. Funny, it was a horrible year for me in reality; but in that dark theater in 1968; it sure looked amazing to a young boy who wanted to believe.

I purchased and built a model of the PanAm space clipper from the movie. I wish I still had it. It sat on the shelf in the front of our trailer and I looked at it daily for a long, long time from our dinner table. It took me to a lot of places in the universe; only to be startled awake by my mother asking me to pass the salt. Funny how that works!

ODE’ to my Field Notes

 

As some my know

In my pocket it is stowed

It everywhere goes

In it my thoughts sometimes flow.

 

mageThuer's posterous

postings of pictures and thoughts from my htc phone & other stuff

is where I post pictures of amongst other things the travels and travails encountered with my Field Notes!

Here is a wonderful little interlude into the making of:

find out more at http://fieldnotesbrand.com/

Sometimes, silence is best.

October 2010 letter to support group

 

delivered last night to my support group and read by Mindy

Hello Everyone,

As always, I am so happy to see everyone.

I am good in body and strong in faith. All is well and even the stray $500 bills here and there are nothing more than mindless attacks on my sanity. Paid for over 4 years; now become a bill due and owed by me. I must confess that it is merely a game.

I must also tell you it is fun to send in a remittal for an amount which cost the bill collectors more to process that what is needed for them to stay above the profit margin. I love them and I pray for them, but it's a hoot to mess with them. I am so unafraid that it frightens them I think. Ahh, they don't care. Oh well, I am at peace with the Lord about this and I confess my sin of obstinacy.

I have found a placement for my mother. Please pray for me as I am fighting mightily with myself about this decision. My mind knows that I have made the correct decision; however, my heart screams at me and places a burden upon the strings of being an honorable son. It has been hard to let go and place her care into someone else's hands. The struggle is in my mind I know but the sadness of distance is real in my heart. I can only pray that God understands and my dad in heaven will know the job I did and hopefully he will be proud. I owe both of my parents so much, so much that I could ever repay. They loved me and I am so thankful.

Be strong everyone, now more than ever. The world needs us. Yes, we are all so important and needed by the world at this time. Believe me, mankind is desperately in need. They have not come to the reality that we have to face every day, every second. Life is important and worth living! While the world wants to give up; it is important that we shine a light on the value of the struggle. Do not be dismissed. We have value and I refuse to be a non-producer.

Thank you for being my friends and I am so proud to call you a fellow child of God; if that offends, then I recognize you as a fellow human being.

By the way, my youngest grandson has a tooth. That's officially one more that I have. Life is good and strawberry formula is just fine.

It's CIRQUE de BIZARRE

If you are in or near South Pasadena today; drop by and enjoy the talent. AC and others will be there.

What Good Am I?

I am somewhat often brought to tears by both music and wonderful words sung with talent on par with angels in heaven.

Please take a moment and enjoy this sound by Tom Jones of feelings written by Bob Dylan.

the Hovel is this many, today!

It was three years ago that I started this blog. I had been posting to a web site for a while but was looking for a better, faster way to communicate. I decided to start this blog. It was originally just to be a way to get out some news as to how my cancer was progressing and just to amuse myself and spend a little time.

My very first blog post is here.

It quickly turned to being an open letter to my grandchildren. One big long this is who I am, this is what is on my mind, this is important to me; this is just of interest; here is what I told others about me and hello, I love you; all in one place for them to get a chance to know me. That’s why there really isn’t a single theme or linear approach to this blog. There isn’t one.

When one gets older; being know becomes an important thought with respect to one’s on grandchildren.

As I sit here and write this, my mother, your great grand mother fell a few weeks ago and hurt herself. She is being transferred from Villa Campana where she has been recovering and will shortly be placed into a permanent care home. I am unsettled in this; however, I just can no longer extend to her the care and attention she requires. These past several years have taken their toll own both her and me. I want to tell you that I am tired, but I continue, as best I can to honor my mother and father.

Seems like life never takes a break and keeps coming in all its fury. Oh well, with God’s grace, I will endure. Remember, if it does not kill you; it can only make you stronger.

As you (any visitor) go through any post here, know that you are most welcomed. I have meet some amazingly wonderful people via this blog and the internet. You are encouraged to drop me a note, leave a comment and what I most hope for; that you find encouragement to live each and every day to the best of your ability. Just remember, you are opening and envelope and taking out a letter from me to my grandchildren. It’s OK, you are welcome to read along and hopefully enjoy the journey. I pray each and every day they will. I never grow tired of telling them that I love them. I just hope they remember that I was here, that I tried really hard and I want nothing but their happiness.

God Bless you guys. I really enjoy talking to each one of you.

The Reluctant Stowaway: Airdate September 15, 1965

 

That was 45 years ago. I was 10 years old and we lived in the Pecan Grove Trailer Park in Picayune Mississippi. It was a Wednesday.

I recall going to the local market on the previous week and getting the TV Guide. There was the ‘Upcoming Season Premier’ Issue. We had three national channels then. Color was sparse and really was the domain of Walt Disney and maybe a special or two throughout the year. If you were lucky and lived in a large market, you maybe got a local ‘Indy’ channel. Picayune had no such thing. Three, count them; three channels on a very small black and white set; but what shows.

I flipped the pages and it was a glorious time; it was a Golden Age. Sunday night was always hard, Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea was at 7:00 PM with the Disney show at 7:30. Oh, the horror of having to sacrifice the the last half of Voyage if Disney looked interesting, much less if there was one of the cool updates to Disneyland scheduled which was MUST viewing.

12 O'clock High was on Monday; Combat and Red Skelton ruled Tuesday; everyone’s favorite little buddy was on his Island on Thursday. Friday night provided probably ‘The Best’ evenings’ viewing of any night of any time, ever. It was non-stop starting with The Wild Wild West, followed by Hogan’s Heroes then Gomer Pyle then the decision between Mr. Roberts or the Smothers Brothers then finally at the end of the night, The Man from Uncle. Now that was a line up.

Saturday was pretty good with Flipper then Jeannie in her bottle and then Get Smart. It was amazing entertainment with only one hole for me. Wednesday night. Wednesday had some good shows but nothing that really flipped my boat. It had a big hit with my mom in The Virginian some comedy with The Beverly ‘country folk’ and their money from oil along with Green Acres. A big night for adults but not for a starved science fiction lad such as myself.

Then, Wednesday Sept. 15, 1965 at 6:30PM on CBS changed all that.

Snicker now, but on that night there were no Green Women, no talking vegetables' yet; unaware of insults and platitudes of the legendary Dr. Smith. No, that night it was serious sci-fi and a promise of excitement, adventure and of innocents retained. It was LOST IN SPACE and it was right there on our black and white TV, all for me to enjoy and dream about and in my heart believe that it was real. At least it was real for that hour; every Wednesday night for me to sit and absorb and dream. It was a wonderful time still for a 10 year old in Picayune Mississippi. It was my life.

The value of just one more day

 

{an e-mail sent to my support group this day}

Hello Everyone,

What a wonderful time I had at our monthly meeting the other night. Thank you all for the warm hugs and hardy handshakes. The smiles and questions of concern.

I have a story to relate:

This morning my oldest granddaughter came running into the house tears flowing and words struggling to be released from her mouth. Her usual smile and happy nature had been offset by something terrible.

Of course, the first thing I did was hold open wide my arms and bend down to hold her as safely and as warmly as I could deliver. Her beautiful red curls were all in dishevel madness' and her normally radiant face was ashen of some miserable, unbearable condition no one could ever, ever make better.

'Honey; what in the world is wrong?' is all I could manage to offer after the holding and gentle swaying back and forth of her little frame was at an end. As I held her away and attempted eye contact, 'It will be OK; I promise you.' was given as an enticement for information on what was the cause.

Stuttering from an over abundance of emotion and blocked by a fit of coughs , 'I.... Grandpa... I.. love you so.....much', came out of her mouth but was not to abate her tears.

After another application of the hugs and reinforcements that only a grandpa can provide to a tender granddaughter, I finally got her to calm down, breathe and tell me what the cause of the torment that had come into her life was.

Mustering courage and strength from way deep inside, she began 'It was so important to me; it was the most important thing you had ever given me. Grand pa, the book of stories you gave me, the wonderful tales of princesses and baby deer and little wooden boys ate by the whale; that one' I could see the tears forming and the breathing becoming lost to the sorrow in her mind; ' I lost....I lost it....I'm so sorry, it must have cost a million dollars Grand pa; I lost the book' followed by an open spigot of tears and sobs.

Relief finally in my mind, it was a lost book and nothing of what could have been which had been bombarding my mind. I fought the urge to laugh at the release of my own emotions of the what if variety, but caught myself to not offer a disparaging adults view of what constituted the end of the world to such a beautiful child. I applied one more hug and finally managed to get my old bone into such a position that I could take a seat on the floor and meet her gaze on an equal plane.

'Oh sweet heart, trust me, it will be OK. We can always get another one for you.'

'But grand pa, mom has told me it was worth a be jillion dollars and I was to never let harm come to it. She's going to kill me.'

Then she asked a question which gave me pause and forced me to give an honest accounting. Fighting back tears and rapid breaths, 'Have you had something you owned and thought it couldn't be replaced if you lost it?'

Holding her back from me at arms length and giving myself a few seconds of time I offered her the most honest answer I could; 'Yes, yes I have and I know exactly how you feel.' To which she gave me a look of anticipation and an oblivious desire for me to continue and tell her what it was.

'Sweetheart, you know how grand pa is sick right? and how I always have to have the Doctors do test on him?'

'Yes'

'Well, just this morning I got the results of my latest test.'

'How can that be the most important thing in the world to you grand pa? You have test all the time'

'I know I do baby, but just this morning, the doctors called and told me the results of my latest test. The cancer I have, you know, what makes grand pa sick sometimes?, the cancer, well, there is no sign of it anymore.'

I could tell by the squinted eye brows and look of questions not yet formed fully, she asked 'why is that worth a be jillion dollars?'

I smiled and held her tight and now found that I had to force back my tears and my loss of breath.

'Because my dear; it means that I get to spend more days with you, more time to watch you grow and I get the joy and happiness of just being with you.'

This time, we both held each other and then laughed with each other as only grand pa's and granddaughters can. Somehow, the lost book was forgotten and the death penalty sure to be imposed by mom had been pardoned.

No, this didn't occur anywhere other than in my mind. Well, except the call I did receive this morning and I now wish to share. I had the Pet Scan and guess what? My lungs, my throat, my whole body is clear. Oh thank God, once again; at least for right now, for a little bit of time, I am cancer free. I have yet a few more days to watch my grand children grow. I hope you pardon my little made up want and desire to be with my granddaughter. It was an honest desire of my mind expressed to you as the best way to convey my happiness and for me to make something so insignificant given the horrors in the world today, a matter of enjoyment for you to ponder.

Never take one moment for granted and never ever underestimate the value of a be jillion dollars to a little curly haired girl who now owns my heart.

I hope my good news finds you all well, whole and with good news as well. I am blessed and never think for one second, I don't know it.

Be strong my friends, as Cancer truly Sucks....