Friday, July 18, 2008

a first time visit to false positive land!

Hello All,

First, let me say I am overjoyed to be here and I love each and everyone of you. My prayers and hopes for each of us are to be well.

53 years ago yesterday, Walt Disney opened the front gate at Disneyland with the wonderful words….”To all who come to this happy place; Welcome!”

Unlike Disneyland, I have ventured into an upside-down roller coaster ride that is new to me and well, just not at all to my liking. I had heard the term of course and I had listened as several of you had mentioned it in meetings or in conservation. There is nothing nice about it and nothing that makes me at ease with it. Some good news; I am cancer free!

The debate is still on going within my mind as to how to feel about what the last several weeks have been to me. That is a matter for me and me alone in the end to make peace with any demons I may have about this little side trip to a very uncomfortable little amusement park know as a false positive. Damn, do the surprises, no matter how known intellectually, ever stop!(?)

After another MRI done in the underground vault (which I have now re-labeled as the bat cave) know as Mayo Clinic Scottsdale Campus; and a much better show and tell period with Dr. Hinni (read as last weeks visit being a bad hair day for us both)…..I am healing. Thank God. Healing hurts, healing does do strange things to ones body, healing is a lot of uncomfortable processes through time. BUT; I am healing.

Turns out that some of what showed as ‘Hot” (love that technical medical lingo) spots on the Tucson version of an MRI/ PETScan where in fact, areas in my throat and on my tongue which had been poked; prodded; folded; stapled and or mutilated by Dr. Hinni and his staff during there 4 hour pleasure cruise inside my body last November. He claimed it all as per his notes and best recollection of said stated procedure. Bottom line…..Steve, relax, your OK and doing remarkable. Per him….an amazing heal. I did have to come clean with him as to the source of my weight gain to which he said.. ”I do not care, just keep doing what your doing”. Yes, a new source of health foods- the ice cream sandwich; I see marketing potential here.

I have learned a lesson my friends, well several but two which are germane to this visit to false positive land; and they are:

1- Take each new revelation as it comes.
2- Never give up on the ability to be amazed at what the body can and does do.

I am very, very happy this morning. I am also wiser (I hope) when it comes to what each new event MAY or MAY NOT mean and hopefully better able to react to it in a dignified manner which makes us all proud. I can not thank you enough for the prayers, the support and the words of wisdom and experience each of you share with me.

BY THE WAY, skip any desire of ever going to false positive land. The place is dingy and the rides are dank and dreary. Go to Disneyland or to a national park and camp or to the beach or where every your desires dictate. I would recommend into the arms of family and friends. Yes, Cancer Sucks…False Positive Land blows chunks.

I am glad to be here people, I will beat this damn thing and I will remain. God’s good fortune on each of you.

Be strong and be there for each other.

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