As read to my support group last night by Scott
As always, the evening of the first Tuesday of each month brings a joy to my heart. Like a young man wrestling with the prospect of falling in love for the first time; the anticipation of yet again being amongst friends is as palatable as the porch scene in the rain between William Hurt and Kathleen Turner in the movie Body Heat. Well, may be not that titillating however I do get very happy and appropriately excited to see each and everyone of you.
I yet again started Radiation treatments this morning for the fourth time. It is rather disappointing at how accustomed I have become to that table and that rather apocalyptic mustard yellow sword of Damocles which revolves around my body. It has become an old companion which brings depressing invisible waves of destruction which in some hysterically ironic way; prolongs my live. Go figure.
As has become my accustomed duty on that bed which I just know came from some Hilton Hotel which Paris somehow decided she could live without (read that as hard as heck); I close my eyes and think of blessings I have enjoyed in my live. My grand kids come to mind first, followed by their parents followed by my mother and father then you guys. In the end, after all the crap, after I take tally and account of what is of any significances in my life; that's about it. Add to that list my belief in God and my church, I quickly realize laying under the revolving science fiction Ray Gun charging forth to slay my disease; those are the only importance I truly have. You guys, each of you and others I know and love as family and friends; you guys, you are my treasure and the glimmering gems which get me out from under that stupid mustard yellow, stupid contraption. It truly is ironic to me how something I really despise gives me the opportunity to say thanks for and show a little appreciation of that list of wonderful people who give me such awesome strength.
No, radiation treatments aren't fun; but I guess they beat chasing after wayward women till my passing from this old world. May be (?)
My mom is still with me. She has no real idea, beyond the faint fact that I am someone she knows. Most of the time now she is asleep, yet I sit next to her on the couch and hold her hand. I take calm warmth from the fact that I know she is mostly at peace now and her sprit is for the most part calm. Like time on that table; "this too shall pass."
Today is my oldest daughters Birthday. I told her on the computer that I loved her this morning and life is good. In the end, it truly is OK.
Thank you to each and every one of you for being in my life, for bringing strength and putting up with babbling on. It's just that I love you all so much and wish you all well.
Be strong my friends, because like the Fields of Asphodel; Cancer Sucks!
PS. for those of you who know:
Billy was a mountain and Ethel was a tree growing off his shoulder.