Some things to help you along the way!

Hello to my grandchildren and Merry Christmas.
One of you of just around the corner, one a few miles away and several of you a long way away from me in the frozen north. I love each of you and I have faith in God that each of you are of good health and are protected.
It is almost Christmas morning and I truly hope each of you enjoy your celebration of the day. Some of you are still young and have no realization other than wow, I'm getting stuff. Some of you older ones may be developing an appreciation of family along with wow, I'm getting stuff. One of you is excited by the box and paper.
I am not a man of wealth. I have no treasure to bestow upon you other than a small token of what has become a modern interpretation of the holiday season. I will confess to you that yes; I have attempted to present to each, something purchased. However, I want to say to each of you that that, is merely a display of a holiday that comes at the end of the year. I also want to pass along a little appreciation of and a personal belief in the celebration of the birth of Christ. Christmas.
I will leave it to your parents and your own maturity and growth in life to become acquainted with and develop a 'religious' identity. That children, is for your mom and dad to nurture in your youth and for you to discover as you reach an age of understanding and acceptance. It is important for your grandfather to express to you that I am a Christian. Beyond that, it is truly between you and God.
That said, I wish to give you each the gift of what I hope for and wish to share with you on this special observance. No, the baby Jesus wasn't really born on December 25th. No one really knows. It is a day to stop and realize just that he was born. We have gone through a lot of manifestations to this point; mostly about the giving is pretty universal. So, I wish to give each of you something.
The first thing I wish to give each of you is my Love. Children are a wonderful thing. But you my grandchildren are a most precious gift. I love each of you. No demands to be anyone other than who you are.
I would like to give you curiosity. No matter in which direction you are traveling in your life; grab it, take a hold of it. See what it's about. Consume life, do not be consumed by it.
I give you the desire to have a proper education. Demand reading, writing and arithmetic no matter what level of education you obtain or desire. You have to want and work for it. Schooling, your education, is important. Do not squander it or assume it's a right you have. You have to gather it, you have to gather everything you can, then peruse what is going to benefit you. I submit that you work hard on reading, writing and arithmetic. If your mind is grounded in these, all other things of interest should come easy. No, not very fun, but trust your grandfather. It is important.
I would like to give you compassion. That is a reflection of what I believe this day is a celebration of. At least a long time ago it was. It's not about a race car, nor a doll house. It is about how you feel about your brother, your sister, your friends and family. These feelings will change over time, wax and wane with distance; just never take any living thing for granted. We, both you and I and everyone are here to help each other. Strive to do so without boasting or becoming demanding.
I want each of you to have humble self worth. You are important. Never let anyone take from you your self esteem. As you get older and understand these words and there meaning, remember that your grandfather wanted you to keep your importance utmost in your mind as you grow and develop. Do not give yourself away. You will understand this with age. Just never think that you are not important. You are important and special.
I give you a little bit of humor. Life can be hard and I personally believe that you will face horrible things I could never anticipate. Remember to stop for a second and know its OK to laugh WITH. Just never laugh AT. Your world can be funny and that's a good thing to observe and embrace.
I give you strength. Every day, every step of the way, you're going to need strength. Some days you're going to cry and feel like letting go and not face tomorrow. You have to find a way to get up, dust yourself off and continue. No matter what you think in that moment, the sun will rise tomorrow, you can and must continue.
It's OK to cry. I do!
It's OK to worry. Just do so in small amounts.
Try not to hate, once you get to my age; you'll realize that it was a waste of time.
Take care of your body and your health. I did not; learn from my mistake. Be smart, your body is a temple, respect it.
I give you goals. Set them. They don't have to be big or long term. Just set goals and get use to obtaining them. You will adjust them with maturity.
Take the time to look around you every day. Learn to discover details around you. It's even OK to write them down. The color of a flower in your yard or along the road will slip your memory as you age. If you write down what's important to you, you will be able to clearly look back in your old age. It will be important. This looking will be different for each of you. That's OK.
Share things and don't get upset. Give is an important word. Being honest and truthful is very important and will make your way through life easier. Tolerance of others is a good thing.
Well, I have blathered enough and I could go on; but I will not go on much more. I just want you to know that Christmas isn't a holiday season. It's a cerebration of a birth. I challenge each of you to discover the birth of who and why that birth was important. When you discover that true meaning of Christmas, and I hope and pray you will; know that the gift waiting for you there is worth more than anything I could ever give. I just hope and pray that these things will help you along your journey.

Somehow, seems appropriate.

 

I ran across this and wanted to share. I started watching expecting not to like this; however, by the end I felt it very moving. I hope you enjoy it as well.

A prolegomena to Thanksgiving; an epistemological look at my caloric intake.

 

And why I am thankful to be alive.

On this wonderful day and because more than a few have asked, I thought I would share with all how I consume. I off this accounting as merely an answer to the question of how and to let all of you know how blessed I am and how truly thankful I am that this is a blessing from God as the alternative would be starvation.

 

I need a couple of things to begin:

A can of food which I purchase from Walgreens in one of three flavors, a cup and a syringe.

Today, for Thanksgiving breakfast I chose Vanilla. Just because.

Give the can a good shake, nothing like lumpy vanilla. Yucccky!

Into that cup it goes.

Purging my tube, nothing like stomach fluids flying every where. Sorry, but it’s a fact; I have to be careful as it can be very embarrassing if I’m not careful.

Get a syringe full of substance.

And, into the tube, ready to be pushed into my stomach. This is done slowly for several reasons.

Let the line breath and allow the fluid level to find its way into my stomach via gravity….yup; just need to allow for leveling.

After finishing a can, the cup and syringe gets a cleaning flush.

Time for a juicy dessert if you will. For me this occurrence calls for Grape. Oh yummy. Wish I could taste.

Same procedure, have to purge the air and allow for gravity.

Down the hatch; well, down the tube for me. Then, when done, simply rinse and repeat as needed.

I hope this has in no way has thrown a shadow over your Thanksgiving meal. I just thought it was proper to share with you what I do for not only today but every day in order to keep alive. I am so very thankful really. If the ability and procedures of having a feeding tube were not available, I would have no way of eating and would not be alive. It is important to me to be thankful. I trust you have something in your life to be thankful for as well. 

Random Act of Culture

“On Saturday, October 30, 2010, the Opera Company of Philadelphia brought together over 650 choristers from 28 participating organizations to perform one of the Knight Foundation’s “Random Acts of Culture” at Macy’s in Center City Philadelphia. Accompanied by the Wanamaker Organ - the world’s largest pipe organ - the OCP Chorus and throngs of singers from the community infiltrated the store as shoppers, and burst into a pop-up rendition of the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel’s “Messiah” at 12 noon, to the delight of surprised shoppers.”

Please take a moment out of the craziness of ‘the season’ and ponder the reason. I hope you enjoy…..Hallelujah at Macy’s.

A walk in downtown Tucson this morning:

 

Chicago Store is a ‘must’ stop for any musician.

Just some random views.

Me in the emptiness

always a Church in town

Colors

Looking up

water and trees

There is beauty here, just sometimes unseen.

It still to this day evokes.

 

It was 1968 and I was 13 years old. We were visiting my Uncle in Shreveport Louisiana and the only desire I had was to see this movie. I knew it was a long movie and promised to tell a story unlike any other at that time. I remember talking mom and dad into dropping me off and into the theater I went.

There was a large cutout poster board of the ape with bone just being flung into the air. Models and dioramas of the spaceships in the movie. Funny looking red eye ball things strangely spread through out the lobby and a large black rectangle placed just as you entered the inner doors into the auditorium.  No fooling, movies where grand big events is those days.

I got a coke and a popcorn and into my seat. I began a life long journey into imagination and speculation that Saturday morning. It was to become my favorite movie until the release of Blade Runner. But on that glorious Saturday morning, the world of 2001 seems so far away and so full of excitement. It was so full of hope. I wanted so much to be apart of THAT world; that world of 2001, so long ago now. Funny, it was a horrible year for me in reality; but in that dark theater in 1968; it sure looked amazing to a young boy who wanted to believe.

I purchased and built a model of the PanAm space clipper from the movie. I wish I still had it. It sat on the shelf in the front of our trailer and I looked at it daily for a long, long time from our dinner table. It took me to a lot of places in the universe; only to be startled awake by my mother asking me to pass the salt. Funny how that works!

ODE’ to my Field Notes

 

As some my know

In my pocket it is stowed

It everywhere goes

In it my thoughts sometimes flow.

 

mageThuer's posterous

postings of pictures and thoughts from my htc phone & other stuff

is where I post pictures of amongst other things the travels and travails encountered with my Field Notes!

Here is a wonderful little interlude into the making of:

find out more at http://fieldnotesbrand.com/

Sometimes, silence is best.

October 2010 letter to support group

 

delivered last night to my support group and read by Mindy

Hello Everyone,

As always, I am so happy to see everyone.

I am good in body and strong in faith. All is well and even the stray $500 bills here and there are nothing more than mindless attacks on my sanity. Paid for over 4 years; now become a bill due and owed by me. I must confess that it is merely a game.

I must also tell you it is fun to send in a remittal for an amount which cost the bill collectors more to process that what is needed for them to stay above the profit margin. I love them and I pray for them, but it's a hoot to mess with them. I am so unafraid that it frightens them I think. Ahh, they don't care. Oh well, I am at peace with the Lord about this and I confess my sin of obstinacy.

I have found a placement for my mother. Please pray for me as I am fighting mightily with myself about this decision. My mind knows that I have made the correct decision; however, my heart screams at me and places a burden upon the strings of being an honorable son. It has been hard to let go and place her care into someone else's hands. The struggle is in my mind I know but the sadness of distance is real in my heart. I can only pray that God understands and my dad in heaven will know the job I did and hopefully he will be proud. I owe both of my parents so much, so much that I could ever repay. They loved me and I am so thankful.

Be strong everyone, now more than ever. The world needs us. Yes, we are all so important and needed by the world at this time. Believe me, mankind is desperately in need. They have not come to the reality that we have to face every day, every second. Life is important and worth living! While the world wants to give up; it is important that we shine a light on the value of the struggle. Do not be dismissed. We have value and I refuse to be a non-producer.

Thank you for being my friends and I am so proud to call you a fellow child of God; if that offends, then I recognize you as a fellow human being.

By the way, my youngest grandson has a tooth. That's officially one more that I have. Life is good and strawberry formula is just fine.

It's CIRQUE de BIZARRE

If you are in or near South Pasadena today; drop by and enjoy the talent. AC and others will be there.

What Good Am I?

I am somewhat often brought to tears by both music and wonderful words sung with talent on par with angels in heaven.

Please take a moment and enjoy this sound by Tom Jones of feelings written by Bob Dylan.

the Hovel is this many, today!

It was three years ago that I started this blog. I had been posting to a web site for a while but was looking for a better, faster way to communicate. I decided to start this blog. It was originally just to be a way to get out some news as to how my cancer was progressing and just to amuse myself and spend a little time.

My very first blog post is here.

It quickly turned to being an open letter to my grandchildren. One big long this is who I am, this is what is on my mind, this is important to me; this is just of interest; here is what I told others about me and hello, I love you; all in one place for them to get a chance to know me. That’s why there really isn’t a single theme or linear approach to this blog. There isn’t one.

When one gets older; being know becomes an important thought with respect to one’s on grandchildren.

As I sit here and write this, my mother, your great grand mother fell a few weeks ago and hurt herself. She is being transferred from Villa Campana where she has been recovering and will shortly be placed into a permanent care home. I am unsettled in this; however, I just can no longer extend to her the care and attention she requires. These past several years have taken their toll own both her and me. I want to tell you that I am tired, but I continue, as best I can to honor my mother and father.

Seems like life never takes a break and keeps coming in all its fury. Oh well, with God’s grace, I will endure. Remember, if it does not kill you; it can only make you stronger.

As you (any visitor) go through any post here, know that you are most welcomed. I have meet some amazingly wonderful people via this blog and the internet. You are encouraged to drop me a note, leave a comment and what I most hope for; that you find encouragement to live each and every day to the best of your ability. Just remember, you are opening and envelope and taking out a letter from me to my grandchildren. It’s OK, you are welcome to read along and hopefully enjoy the journey. I pray each and every day they will. I never grow tired of telling them that I love them. I just hope they remember that I was here, that I tried really hard and I want nothing but their happiness.

God Bless you guys. I really enjoy talking to each one of you.

The Reluctant Stowaway: Airdate September 15, 1965

 

That was 45 years ago. I was 10 years old and we lived in the Pecan Grove Trailer Park in Picayune Mississippi. It was a Wednesday.

I recall going to the local market on the previous week and getting the TV Guide. There was the ‘Upcoming Season Premier’ Issue. We had three national channels then. Color was sparse and really was the domain of Walt Disney and maybe a special or two throughout the year. If you were lucky and lived in a large market, you maybe got a local ‘Indy’ channel. Picayune had no such thing. Three, count them; three channels on a very small black and white set; but what shows.

I flipped the pages and it was a glorious time; it was a Golden Age. Sunday night was always hard, Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea was at 7:00 PM with the Disney show at 7:30. Oh, the horror of having to sacrifice the the last half of Voyage if Disney looked interesting, much less if there was one of the cool updates to Disneyland scheduled which was MUST viewing.

12 O'clock High was on Monday; Combat and Red Skelton ruled Tuesday; everyone’s favorite little buddy was on his Island on Thursday. Friday night provided probably ‘The Best’ evenings’ viewing of any night of any time, ever. It was non-stop starting with The Wild Wild West, followed by Hogan’s Heroes then Gomer Pyle then the decision between Mr. Roberts or the Smothers Brothers then finally at the end of the night, The Man from Uncle. Now that was a line up.

Saturday was pretty good with Flipper then Jeannie in her bottle and then Get Smart. It was amazing entertainment with only one hole for me. Wednesday night. Wednesday had some good shows but nothing that really flipped my boat. It had a big hit with my mom in The Virginian some comedy with The Beverly ‘country folk’ and their money from oil along with Green Acres. A big night for adults but not for a starved science fiction lad such as myself.

Then, Wednesday Sept. 15, 1965 at 6:30PM on CBS changed all that.

Snicker now, but on that night there were no Green Women, no talking vegetables' yet; unaware of insults and platitudes of the legendary Dr. Smith. No, that night it was serious sci-fi and a promise of excitement, adventure and of innocents retained. It was LOST IN SPACE and it was right there on our black and white TV, all for me to enjoy and dream about and in my heart believe that it was real. At least it was real for that hour; every Wednesday night for me to sit and absorb and dream. It was a wonderful time still for a 10 year old in Picayune Mississippi. It was my life.

The value of just one more day

 

{an e-mail sent to my support group this day}

Hello Everyone,

What a wonderful time I had at our monthly meeting the other night. Thank you all for the warm hugs and hardy handshakes. The smiles and questions of concern.

I have a story to relate:

This morning my oldest granddaughter came running into the house tears flowing and words struggling to be released from her mouth. Her usual smile and happy nature had been offset by something terrible.

Of course, the first thing I did was hold open wide my arms and bend down to hold her as safely and as warmly as I could deliver. Her beautiful red curls were all in dishevel madness' and her normally radiant face was ashen of some miserable, unbearable condition no one could ever, ever make better.

'Honey; what in the world is wrong?' is all I could manage to offer after the holding and gentle swaying back and forth of her little frame was at an end. As I held her away and attempted eye contact, 'It will be OK; I promise you.' was given as an enticement for information on what was the cause.

Stuttering from an over abundance of emotion and blocked by a fit of coughs , 'I.... Grandpa... I.. love you so.....much', came out of her mouth but was not to abate her tears.

After another application of the hugs and reinforcements that only a grandpa can provide to a tender granddaughter, I finally got her to calm down, breathe and tell me what the cause of the torment that had come into her life was.

Mustering courage and strength from way deep inside, she began 'It was so important to me; it was the most important thing you had ever given me. Grand pa, the book of stories you gave me, the wonderful tales of princesses and baby deer and little wooden boys ate by the whale; that one' I could see the tears forming and the breathing becoming lost to the sorrow in her mind; ' I lost....I lost it....I'm so sorry, it must have cost a million dollars Grand pa; I lost the book' followed by an open spigot of tears and sobs.

Relief finally in my mind, it was a lost book and nothing of what could have been which had been bombarding my mind. I fought the urge to laugh at the release of my own emotions of the what if variety, but caught myself to not offer a disparaging adults view of what constituted the end of the world to such a beautiful child. I applied one more hug and finally managed to get my old bone into such a position that I could take a seat on the floor and meet her gaze on an equal plane.

'Oh sweet heart, trust me, it will be OK. We can always get another one for you.'

'But grand pa, mom has told me it was worth a be jillion dollars and I was to never let harm come to it. She's going to kill me.'

Then she asked a question which gave me pause and forced me to give an honest accounting. Fighting back tears and rapid breaths, 'Have you had something you owned and thought it couldn't be replaced if you lost it?'

Holding her back from me at arms length and giving myself a few seconds of time I offered her the most honest answer I could; 'Yes, yes I have and I know exactly how you feel.' To which she gave me a look of anticipation and an oblivious desire for me to continue and tell her what it was.

'Sweetheart, you know how grand pa is sick right? and how I always have to have the Doctors do test on him?'

'Yes'

'Well, just this morning I got the results of my latest test.'

'How can that be the most important thing in the world to you grand pa? You have test all the time'

'I know I do baby, but just this morning, the doctors called and told me the results of my latest test. The cancer I have, you know, what makes grand pa sick sometimes?, the cancer, well, there is no sign of it anymore.'

I could tell by the squinted eye brows and look of questions not yet formed fully, she asked 'why is that worth a be jillion dollars?'

I smiled and held her tight and now found that I had to force back my tears and my loss of breath.

'Because my dear; it means that I get to spend more days with you, more time to watch you grow and I get the joy and happiness of just being with you.'

This time, we both held each other and then laughed with each other as only grand pa's and granddaughters can. Somehow, the lost book was forgotten and the death penalty sure to be imposed by mom had been pardoned.

No, this didn't occur anywhere other than in my mind. Well, except the call I did receive this morning and I now wish to share. I had the Pet Scan and guess what? My lungs, my throat, my whole body is clear. Oh thank God, once again; at least for right now, for a little bit of time, I am cancer free. I have yet a few more days to watch my grand children grow. I hope you pardon my little made up want and desire to be with my granddaughter. It was an honest desire of my mind expressed to you as the best way to convey my happiness and for me to make something so insignificant given the horrors in the world today, a matter of enjoyment for you to ponder.

Never take one moment for granted and never ever underestimate the value of a be jillion dollars to a little curly haired girl who now owns my heart.

I hope my good news finds you all well, whole and with good news as well. I am blessed and never think for one second, I don't know it.

Be strong my friends, as Cancer truly Sucks....

Update delivered to my Support Group last night.

 

I was thrilled to have Mindy read this to the group last night:

Hello Everyone,

I wish to tell everyone how happy I am to be here. I am blessed to be in your presence and I get so much love and encouragement from all of you.

I am OK for the most part. I get older each day and I count that as a gift from God.

I wish to let you all now that I have been so frustrated lately, frustrated to the point of tears. Insurance and Insurance Companies had become the Antichrist to me. I had become angry and worst, I was unashamed to let the world know it. Just as I was about to cave in, the other night, I got on my knees and just gave it all up to my God. Well, guess what? He took it! The next day, one of the last irritants (read as a deigned claim) was worked out. The next day, the new fangled insurance do-hickey of a company sent me a letter stating that my Pet Scan was approved. Now, it's not a perfect world, however, it is now better, thanks to the blessings which I choose to give credit to all of you and to my personal relationship with God. Thank you all for the good thoughts and the prayers. I still expect aggravation but I have found a solution; I have decided to accept Insurance Companies for what they are.... and I offer these sage words of wisdom which are not my own:

Do not try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Mom is doing better but will be in Villa Campana for another week or so. I would be lying to say I have not taken advantage of her being in the care of others. I have gotten so much done, but you know what; even though I see her every single day, I miss her so much.

I must say that all of us; you, me; all of us are important. You matter; we matter. Wake up every day and give thanks. Lord knows I do.

Thank you all for being my friends and I love you all so much.

Lunch on a Sky Island

Finally, I know some of you are saying; this series of post come to an end and indeed it does.

It was time to leave and head home, however, I was getting hungry and was thinking, well, I can’t eat at one of the wonderful restaurants to be found along the Salsa Trail, so where?

Of course, it was right in front of me. Why not at say … oh 6000 feet or higher. I really did not want to go to the top of Mt. Graham, but lunch about half way up or so sounded just wonderful.

Stop at the old sign.

Running waters allow for a moment to pause and give thanks to God for life, food, my children and grandchildren.

What a wonderful view to have a can of vanilla. While breaking of bread is not the same for me as it is for you, it is still a moment to just pause and look around at the world. To renew the body and have strength to go forward.

Time to head down and go home.

I want to leave you with this sight. A very common sight in this part of the world. Not exciting but somehow pertinent and spiritual to me none the less. I have for years carried a picture of my day taken in a place much like this. He always said that these little yellow flowers were a gift. I understand now, they are right there, almost every day. They are there to be a gift to our eyes.

Time to say goodbye. And so I did.

Thank you for taking the trip with me. I had fun and I was moved.

Coffee on Main Street

To be honest, while I lived there, I never really appreciated the rich history of the city of Safford. All the locals were always saying how special the town was. Not that it is a ‘vortex’ sight like Sedona, but just a pure oh spit of a town that oozes Americana like a Norman Rockwell painting blown up into a life size ‘sandbox’ for those who live there to enjoy.

I did not take the time to go to every place of interest, I may at some later date, but I simply took the time to enjoy my surroundings and, have a lazy sunny morning cup of coffee and watch a little bit of time float by my eyes and ears and nose and my tongue. Coffee is really about the only thing I can enjoy in public, food wise, and enjoy it I did.

I hope you enjoy this slice of the Arizona South West that while it has changes, still hangs on to the past as a coat of many colors.

Just one of the many old homes that I would sometimes pass. The town is full of them.

This is what $44,606.41 would buy you in 1916. The Graham County Courthouse is a neo-colonial brick building with Tuscan columns.

Yes, that’s one of the many street lights you will see all along Main Street. They are beautiful when lit; to be honest, I am unsure if they work today, but I recall them as being just amazing on a cool winters evening back in the day when the city still celebrated the birth of Christ.

Yes, It is Main St.

There it is. On the West end looking East.

See, all those lights. All along the street.

That’s the Safford City Hall. Built in 1898 at a cost of $5,400.00, it was the original High School. No, not the one I went too. It was remodeled in the 40’s and became the City Hall after Safford was incorporated in 1901.

I told you I was up and on the road early. 8:23AM and I am downtown already and looking for a cup of coffee, my thermos was dry already.

Are you kidding me? A town square with a town clock. Man, I so miss the pace of this little spot on earth.

The North side.

From the East end looking back to the West. That’s the Court House at the end in the distance.

Where I learned to love salsa!

While Pollock’s is not on main street, but is on the Hwy., I wanted to take a picture of it as it is often mentioned amongst my FB friends from high school.

and………  one more stop today. I went to Thatcher to see if my old church was still there. It was an old store front church that was originally a hardware store. No luck; it was long gone, however I did go by what it became and I believe the old members would be fairly proud of what occurred over the years.

Well, there is your trip down Main Street. I know it’s not a colorful as Main Street USA in Disneyland; but in another way… it may, just may be better in certain ways.

{a trip up the mountain tomorrow}